I’m so tired of this…

This is incredibly hurtful.
And so draining.

Not many people know how many times I’m sobbing in bed because of my PTSD….

How I break down when anything triggers me…

The days I lock myself in a room unable to speak to anyone and explain the recurring terrors…

The nightmares…
fearful of everything….
and remembering the abuse I endured over so many years….

And yet again I’m not being believed.

I’m tired.
Tired of having to justify myself.
Tired of being accused of lying
Tired of explaining myself
Tired of…
Of this.

No One Will Ever Believe You..

“I’m gonna tell someone what you’re doing”
I said this as a child.
And again as an adult.
Too many times.

“No one is ever gonna believe you”
They know that this is the likelihood.
They were right.
I wasn’t believed.

I still get messages from people from my old life back in the cult saying that I am a terrible person for leaving him.
And it’s always the same thing.

“He is such a good man.
How could you do that to him?”.

They don’t know.
They weren’t there.
How can they judge me?

I’ll never stop speaking out, however difficult it is.

One day I will be believed.
One day they will stop and realise it wasn’t me.
I wasn’t hurting my spouse or terrifying my kids.
That wasn’t me.

They always tell you you won’t be believed.
This doesn’t bother me anymore.
I know whatever I write is the truth.

One day I’ll be believed.

#domesticabusesurvivor #unorthodox #OTD #BelieveMe #metoomovement #ChildAbuse #sexualabuse #cult #Judaism #abuseawareness

Using One’s Religion as a get-out-of-jail Card

This woman starts trashing a Target store screaming “this shits over” over and over again. When confronted, she says “why can’t I do it? Because I’m a white blonde woman”!

Best part however is when no one rises to that comment, and the police confront her, she pulls out the antisemitism card claiming that they’re targeting her “why? Because I’m Jewish”?!? No one knew she was Jewish till she said so 😂

Using one’s race or religion to suit oneself or worse still, to get away with doing bad things isn’t okay. She’s embarrassing not only herself but Jews in general who will undoubtedly cringe watching her use the word Nazi to the cops. Ugh 🥺😡

A Positive Anecdote about a Hasidic man and kindness 💕

Taken from @hasidiminusa on Twitter. I love this!! We need more men like this in the world. People who give a damn about others. Thank you young man 💜

“The rain during yesterday’s shoot with brought me to an incredible, never seen before scene, and a moment of inspiration.

I had seen an enormous street puddle accumulated by the rain 20 minutes earlier, and decided to go back to that puddle hoping to capture some children playing in the puddle, but instead i saw a very bizarre scene.

A young Hasidic man in the the puddle in his shoes and clothes digging in and out the water with a snow shovel upside down 😮

After first snapping a few shots I asked him if he lost something there??
“NO i’m just trying to unclog the storm drain, so the old people can cross”

I was completely shocked by his response.
For a person to get down and dirty, get his shoes and clothes soaking wet in the dirty water so that strangers can cross!

It was a true moment of inspiration..

I’m so glad i was there to document this so I can share it with you all.”

How wonderful and how kind is this? I’ve never seen this before. I hope people can look at this and see there are people who are happy to do this to keep others safe.

#Hasidic #Jewish #Judaism #BeKind #Coronavirus #Covid19 #elderly #caring

KEEMSTAR belittles victim of sexual assault

Here we go again. I can’t believe I’m actually having to say this. Victim blaming. Men, you need to take responsibility for what you do and check it’s okay before you touch someone. It’s not that difficult. Ask!

His tone is so belittling and dismissive and in fact dangerous. Putting the emphasis on the woman for not saying NO. He clearly doesn’t understand how it feels to be assaulted. You can be totally frozen and not be able to talk.

And touching someone’s hand, cheek and brushing their chest isn’t something that is okay. And THIS is why so many victims of sexual assault don’t speak up. Because of these kind of attitudes.

I’ll say it again.


I have a Question for you.

This is a question for ex Orthodox Jews, ex Muslims and ex JW’s or cults.

What were your views with regards to racism when you were in your community? And have they changed once you left?

Do you notice people who have left extreme religions and cults who still have the same abhorrent views on black people?

What can we do to make them understand how their opinions are hateful and so unbelievably racist when they continuously say how they’re entitled to freedom of speech and no one has the right to change that?

The open and blatant racism I’ve seen particularly today has emotionally drained me… I’m just tired of seeing and reading so much hatred and discrimination towards people simply because of their skin colour….

Happy Fathers Day? Is it happy for you??

Fathers Day 2020

Today I have read post after post with people saying how much they love their dad and how he was the one to make them the person they are today.

I’ve also seen people write messages saying their father chose to cut them out, for whatever reason, and that they cut their dads out for some reason.

And reality has hit me. Again. There are so many fathers who have not been a role model to so many of us. The men for the first 35 years of my own life have been anything but decent.

Some fathers don’t understand the pain and PTSD they cause by their actions. Not respecting your daughter’s personal space and doing terrible things hoping it will never be known.

Men who scare their daughters with threats such as “if you ever tell anyone they won’t believe you, etc”. They know this is likely to be true.

Those are not the men we celebrate today. They’re not real men. Not fathers. So while I see lots of happy Father’s Day messages, I can’t join the sentiment. I don’t have those feelings. And I know so many of you feel the same.

So, today – as so many celebrate their relationships with their fathers, let’s not forget the thousands of people who haven’t got loving fathers who they can call on.

I’m ashamed I was once part of the Jewish Community

I feel thoroughly ashamed to have ever been part of a community where the vast majority have the most disgusting views when it comes to racism.

In fact it’s not just racism. It’s islamaphobia. Hatred towards Palestinians. Asians, etc etc. Indeed it’s about anyone else who is not the same. People who aren’t Jewish as seen as less than. As somehow sub-human.

I was made to believe that Jews were the only decent and moral people. That we were “the Chosen Nation”.

I was brought up being taught that “goyim” (anyone who isn’t Jewish) will be our slaves when the Messiah comes. We were told that the only reason why God created “others” was for them to make the lives of the Jews easier.

That means they are good for cleaning the streets, building buildings to live in, being bus drivers etc etc. In essence the only reason they’re here is because of what they can contribute to the lives of the Jews.

If I asked about the “good goyim” I was told they’re a one off and their intention wasn’t to be good. They just happened to be good at that time but that doesn’t mean they’re inherently a good person.

And so now in 2020 when the world is in turmoil and we can all see the blatant injustices going on and how the black community is being targeted by the police, they will still say they somehow deserve to be targeted and killed. Here are some of the comments I’ve read just today. There are so many more.

I am so ashamed of a community that I once belonged to. I’m ashamed of their ignorance and uneducated views. I’m ashamed that they cannot see how wrong they are. And yes it’s not ALL Jews. But the ones I knew, lived with and been part of are the ones I’m referring to. In essence the hasidic and ultra Orthodox Jews.

I’m just glad I’m no longer part of them.

Black Lives Matter 💔 Another Death…

Rayshard Brooks, 27 years old, was murdered in a Wendy’s drive thru. I’ve read the most racist, vile things today, some of which were from people I never thought had these views.

To clarify – he was UNARMED. He was very polite to the officers. He did NOT have a gun. When they tried to handcuff him he tried to grab the taser off the police officer. If we stop for a moment and remember it wasn’t that long ago that an unarmed black man was cuffed and that ended in murder, he must have been scared of what could happen and tried to defend himself or escape.

Apart from this, let’s not forget he was simply asleep in his car. I’ve done that a couple of times, and a police officer knocked on my window to check I was alright. I didn’t have to take any breathalyser tests. So why did this need to go from a man asleep in his car…. to murder?

Nothing can justify what happened. There are 3 little girls who are without a dad now. And a grieving wife, parents, cousins and so many who loved him.

Anyone who can look at the body cam footage and try to justify what happened, is simply callous and heartless. Shooting a man in the back as he was running is cowardly and totally unacceptable. Can we please remember these are people. People like you and I. People who have families who loved them. People who have left behind little kids who are in the most pain imaginable…..

George Floyd
Rayshard Brooks
Breonna Taylor
Tamir Rice
Jamar Clark
Philando Castile
Ahmaud Arbery
Sean Reed
Botham Jean
Trayvon Martin
Leonard Hammonds…

The list goes on.
Say their names.

Never forget these people who died from police brutality.

I’m sick of the racism particularly from Jewish people who have called me a Nazi and antisemite and wished all sorts on me for caring about black people being killed on the streets! The things I’ve read blow my mind.

How can a community who went through the Holocaust have no compassion or empathy for others who are being killed today?

Please do not put any hate here. I’m tired of it.

#BlackLivesMatter #racism #antisemitism

Black Lives Matter has nothing to do with Jews

This isn’t going to be an easy post to write or read. And yes there will be people who will call me names for saying what I am. But this is my opinion and I need to speak up.

Before I say what I want I’d like to mention that the community I come from which is hasidic and Ultra Orthodox is incredibly racist. They don’t see black people as the same. They’re looked at as less than. As sub-human. The same way the Palestinians are looked at as sub-human.

The things I heard growing up are about as racist as anything you can imagine. There will be those who will say this isn’t true. But I lived that life and know for a fact that it is absolutely the case. Jews I was brought up with are some of the biggest racists. The inflammatory language used about black people is vile.

Even now as the world sees how unfairly black people are being treated there are Jews who justify it by using terms such as “they’re animals” or “they are tigers escaped from the zoo. What do we do to tigers who escape? We kill them”. And so many more that I cannot possibly write here.

I am in no way condoning the looting or rioting, much of which has been done by white people. What I’m talking about are regular black folk going about their lives and being constantly targeted simply because they’re black.

Over the last couple of weeks as people worldwide have been protesting the murder of a black man in broad daylight by 4 police officers. Feelings and emotions are high and there’s been a lot of anger at the police brutality particularly in America but indeed across the globe.

What has infuriated me are the number of Jews who have somehow made this about them. It’s not about YOU. Guess what? There are things that affect others. It’s not always about Jews.

I’ve had countless conversations, some very heated, where jewish people have tried to say that they understand racism because they have experienced antisemitism. Antisemitism and racism are so different. And to compare the two is ridiculous.

I’ve been accused of being antisemitic for using the Black Lives Matter frame on my Facebook page. Why? Because apparently this movement is antisemitic. I’ve asked several times for proof of this or links to data but as yet haven’t received any. That’s because this is nonsense.

I’ve also been told that jews have suffered more because 6 million Jews were killed in 6 years whereas that hasn’t been the case for black people.

This isn’t about who has suffered more. It’s not a competition. Yes Jews died in WW2. But that hasn’t got anything to do with what’s going on right now in 2020. Police brutality against the black community, for decades, does not affect Jews.

There are reports of a synagogue and kosher shop being targeted. This isn’t okay. But that’s done by bad people who are using this opportunity to be hateful. They are not the people who are protesting because they want long term changes to be made.

Jews can leave their homes and not have to worry that they will be a target by racist police. Black people have to be aware of this ALL the time. Never has there been a police officer who has strangled a Jewish person to death on the streets of America.

The fact that all this has to be said saddens me. Why would we need to discuss this as a black/Jewish issue. It’s not a Jewish issue.

Imagine for a moment that every time you go into a shop you’re followed around as though you’re a thief. Imagine being stopped several times a month as you drive purely because you’re black.

Imagine not being able to run for the bus because running in the street is seen as you’re running away or towards a crime. Imagine being in Central Park and bird watching and having the police called on you for being “an African American” knowing full well that that could end in a fatality.

Imagine dropping a parcel into a home and having your van blocked in and questioned why you’re there because you “don’t fit into the demographic of the area”. But you’re just a delivery driver!

Imagine a 12 year old child playing with a toy gun and the police shoot him dead…. Tamir Rice would have been 18 now.

Imagine going to a Mercedes Benz showroom and having your car blocked from leaving because the staff didn’t believe you’d be able to afford their cars and wanted to interrogate you as to why you’re there. There are so many more examples. These are just a few.

There are those who say that George Floyd did commit crimes in his past and that does indeed seem to be the case. However this isn’t about that. No one deserves to be strangled to death by white cops for having a fake $20 bill.

The protesting is no longer about Mr Floyd. It’s about the bigger picture. It’s about the targeting of black people for the colour of their skin. Period. And this is just unacceptable. It’s been going on for hundreds of years from when black people were taken to America as slaves and abused in every possible way. This has to stop.

We need to educate ourselves about why this has become as big as it has and why there’s so much passion and frustration among those this affects on a daily basis. We need to listen. We need to believe and not compare.

Jews have no Eric Garners, no George Floyds, no Breonna Taylor – to list just a few murders of black people by racist officers. Until we understand that Black Lives Matter, we can’t say All Lives Matter.

#BlackLivesMatter #BLM #racism #antisemitism