The last event I attended in Stamford Hill was one like the one this woman writes about. I was asked to come dressed appropriately and covered up which I would have done anyway. I was even told that I needed to cover my hair despite the fact I was divorced and this is not necessary according to Jewish law.
I had countless texts and phone calls prior to this event when the parents (my sibling and her husband) kept asking for photos of what I would wear and wanted to vet me and check it would fit their list of what was acceptable. Of course I’d have gone with appropriate attire but the pressure was so intense and was too much for me.
At the event itself I was looked at from head to toe by pretty much every single person there. I was taken aside by members of my own family who had questions about why I just couldn’t wear a wig (I’d already donated mine to other women in the community).
That night I decided I would never attend an event in Stamford Hill again. I shouldn’t have to justify the denier tights I’m wearing or why I’m wearing 3/4 length T-shirts not ones till the wrist. And the insistence of me covering my hair was ridiculous.
I respect people. I respect their community. But they will never respect my life and my choices.
Could you be like this woman?? I can’t think of anything worse! It might just be my own personal experiences that make me cringe and worry for people who subjugate themselves and blindly follow what they’re told.
She might have the best marriage and a man who doesn’t take advantage of her loyalty and support of everything he says. I just couldn’t do it. Period.
Umm 🤔 why not??? Let’s be honest and open and stop sugarcoating what is happening with young people in haredi and hasidic communities.
I have so much to say on this. She’s literally contradicting herself several times saying it’s not an arranged marriage. But then says a matchmaker is involved, they had only a few meetings before getting engaged etc.
I find her attitude towards those who date to get married and have kids in the secular world jarring. We all ask – yes even on dating apps – what they want out of it. If they want or have kids. If they want marriage etc.
She seems to be hugely offended by the term “arranged marriage”. And claims that it’s different in her son’s community as he’s a baal teshuva. Sorry hun but I’m the daughter of both parents who are BT and that’s just not the case.
If there’s a matchmaker involved and they get engaged it’s an arranged marriage.
Clearly parents can’t fix you up if they are outside the community. So the shadchanim or someone else does. And yes of course children of BTs are fixed up by parents!
She herself commented that they were ‘fixed up’ together – so how is that not ‘arranged’??? And what pool of young women was felt appropriate for him???
This woman means well but is literally contradicting herself throughout and it’s frustrating to read.
Now that Father’s Day is over I wanted to send love and peace to all of us who either haven’t got a father, who have lost their dad, whose father was never around and to those of us who will never receive a phone call from their dad.
My father expects his kids to do the calling and always said “they know where to find me”. I can’t understand that mentality.
It’s been years since we last spoke or saw each other and unfortunately it’s been a rocky ride from day one. I’d love to say he’s been the best dad – the way so many of you are able to – but with so many kids, so little time and money, he wasn’t emotionally available to me. And he never protected us. That hurts.
Father’s Day comes and goes, year in and year out and nothing changes. And I doubt it ever will.… unless I make the initial contact and keep doing that. But don’t we all just want our parents to contact us from time to time? Maybe it’s just me.
Happy Father’s Day to all those dads who are there for your kids and who you love unconditionally. For me it was very much conditional. Once I left their way of life I was an outcast and stopped being part of the family.
Weddings happen. Bar mitzvah’s come and go. Babies are born. Relatives get engaged. A child is very unwell.
And I know nothing about any of this unless its told to me by someone who happens to mention it and expects me to know. It’s always awkward.
My dad is having a big 70th birthday event in a few days and I knew nothing about it. I only found out when someone asked me for a phone number of a relative to invite them to the party. No consideration for how that would make me feel.
I don’t know why I expect anything else. It’s been like this for years. It’s just tough sometimes… the only photo I have of the two of us and my mother is this one which was taken when I was just 19 and getting married… “You’re welcome to her” he quipped as the wedding ended.
So. Yup. It’s been a hell of a ride for decades and I’m off the train. My number has never changed. ”He knows where to find me”. But he never will. And I’ve accepted it.
Warren Jeffs is a pedophile. Warren Jeffs is an evil monster. The things he subjected not just the women and young girls to but also to the men is horrific to say the least.
One of the main women on the FLDS documentary said this at the end of part 4. I had to stop, rewind, listen again. And again. And then I felt a pull to write it down and share here.
“Those of us that are coming from the fallout of the FLDS at some point we have to move forward. The next generation depends upon it. But it’s very complicated.
So many of us are still functioning under the shadow of the past. I thought I was further along than I was. And then you have these moments as an adult when you think I know nothing. I know nothing”.
What a powerful and relatable idea. We don’t always recognise that when those of us who leave cults, extreme religions or closed communities, it takes time to heal.
We never know what the trigger is and how it will manifest itself. This documentary needs to be shown to everyone. It describes how people can be brainwashed to believe anything at all when done b the worst manipulator and abuser.
It also makes us realise the concept of coercion and underage brides being r*ped by older men sometimes in front of other women as if it’s some godly act.
Yet even after he’s been in jail for over 10 years he has strong supporters who seem to be living with the notion that he’s a martyr and they will do anything for their “prophet”.
To be clear, this is not about religion. It’s about fundamentalists, radical, and extreme cults.
Trigger Warning ⚠️ child abuse, underage marriage, control, etc.
This week, a new true crime has dropped on Netflix called Keep Sweet: Pray and Obey. It tells the harrowing true story of a polygamous cult, and viewers of the show are calling it the most traumatising thing they have ever watched.
This Netflix series explores the secretive and chilling polygamous cult of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (FLDS) Keep Sweet: Pray and Obey focuses on a US polygamous cult led by Warren Jeffs, who to followers was the leader or “prophet” of the group.
This is the Netflix trailer so you get an idea what it’s about before you watch it as it’s traumatic viewing…
The group saw hundreds of women and children abused on a daily basis. In 2011, Warren Jeffs was convicted in Texas of two counts of sexual assault of a child. He was sentenced to life in prison for sexually assaulting a a 12-year-old girl, and 20 years for sexually assaulting a 15-year-old girl.
Warren Jeffs was previously convicted in Utah on two counts of being an accomplice to rape in 2007, but that conviction was overturned by the Utah Supreme Court in 2010.
According to a former US Attorney Special Prosecutor who participated in the Netflix documentary, evidence during the sentence phase of the trial reflected that Jeffs was “involved in conducting the marriages of 67 underage girls to FLDS men”, and that he “had himself 78 wives – 24 of those wives were underage.”
Jeffs is a monster who’s presently serving life in prison for the sexual assault of two young girls, ages 12 and 15, who at the time of his crimes were both his wives.
Dretzin’s four-part affair is a history lesson about the modern FLDS movement, which was spearheaded by Jeffs’ father, Rulon, the original prophet, who even in his eighties was continuing to marry as many young women as he could get his wrinkled hands on, including Rebecca Wall, who speaks in detail about the nightmare of having to share a house—and bed—with this elderly creep.
From there, it was only a short leap into systemic pedophilia. Let that sink in.
Keep Sweet: Pray and Obey is a snapshot of the fear, intimidation, broken families, and sinister misconduct begat by this situation.
Thankfully, director Dretzin crafts her portrait with virtually no dramatic recreations, instead relying on a haunting collection of archival photos, home videos, courtroom footage, and recorded evidence to convey the unnerving strangeness of FLDS life, in which women dressed (as one speaker pointedly puts it) like Laura Ingalls, and men preached in holier-than-thou tones that belied their baser designs.
That material culminates with clandestine photographs and audio tapes made by Jeffs of his sexual encounters with his victims, which are so predictably disgusting that it’s no surprise they landed him behind bars, where he continues to create “revelations” that are disseminated to his followers.
This 4 part documentary is chilling, possibly triggering, shocking, disturbing, and a real eye opener to those who know little or nothing about the FLDS cult, an offshoot of Mormonism. Watch with care 🖤
To be clear, this isn’t about religion. It’s about cults, brainwashing, controlling people, underage brides, sexual abuse and r*pe of minors, forced marriage, etc.
I can’t believe that in 2022 I still have to say this.
Domestic violence can affect anyone – including men. According to the CDC, one in seven men age 18+ in the U.S. has been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in his lifetime.
When it comes to domestic violence, the conversation typically focuses on women as victims and men as perpetrators. After all, women make up at least 85 percent of the victims, and most often at the hands of male abusers.
But this doesn’t mean that abusive female partners don’t exist; they do. They absolutely do.
One in 10 men has experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner.
Although they make up a smaller percentage of calls to Domestic Violence helplines, there are likely many more men who do not report or seek help for their abuse, for a variety of reasons:
Men are socialized not to express their feelings or see themselves as victims.
Pervading beliefs or stereotypes about men being abusers, women being victims.
The abuse of men is often treated as less serious, or a “joke.” The truth is, abuse is not a joke, in any situation, between any two people.
All victims, regardless of gender, deserve support and resources to help them feel safe. If you are experiencing domestic abuse please reach out to your local police for help. Make sure they truly understand what you’re going through.
And don’t be ashamed to say “I’m a victim of domestic abuse and I need help”. Those words will change your life.
I am all too aware that getting the help you need is not easy – especially when people make assumptions that the woman is the victim because she’s smaller. Or because she can lie and fake tears.
I’m tired. I’m drained. My heart hurts for a family I care deeply about and whom all this applies to…. And shame on those who are helping the woman, knowing very little information and accepting what she says as facts.
YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. YOU ARE A DISGRACE HELPING A PERPETRATOR AND NOT THE VICTIMS
I don’t think I can cringe any more if I tried!! It’s butt-cheek clenching yikes cringe level!!
Subject – Matchmaking in the Muslim and Ultra Orthodox Jewish communities.
Describing a “class society where classes don’t mix” is just so wrong on so many levels. And saying a daughter of a Rabbi can’t marry the son of a Grocer!! Oh… unless he’s a “good learner and educated in the Bible”.
Even I could do a better job explaining the process, and that’s saying something!!!!
I found it interesting how the Muslim matchmaker said what’s important is not to do with class but where they are in life and if their lives align. And it seems like online dating is more acceptable whereas in the hasidic and haredi communities not everyone is online.
I know this is going to sound as bad and harsh as I’ve ever been but I so wish I’d found his body and been able to kick it to the side or pushed it into a hole in the ground without the hype and possibility of huge numbers attending the funeral of a monster.
Of course I wouldn’t. It’s just how I feel. I know it’s not legal and I’d a criminal. But I’m just saying how I feel. What makes the hundreds who attended his funeral go to it? And why was there just a handful of people at the funeral of one of his victims?
I won’t be posting the audio of the threats he made as it’s really awful and full of threats and a sense of I’m able to get away with things based purely on who I am and the sense of entitlement of a rabbi over “a bunch of girls who no one will believe”.
I was so relieved that the main Bet Din Rabbi supported the victims and yet when it came to his burial why did so many turn up? And aren’t people who commit suicide not allowed to be buried like others in the cemetery? Or does that not refer to him?
The pain that the countless girls and women (and potentially boys too – I don’t know) have endured is heartbreaking…. Please please if you’re struggling please reach out to your local Samaritans, go to the ER, call someone to be with you, do something. We can’t lose more Shifras…..
I hope you’re finally at peace…. And I’m so sorry you have been let down so badly. You never deserved any of this. No one does.
Fuck. When will victims of child sexual abuse start being treated properly and not focus on the perpetrators? I heard some idiot say that this monster “was so traumatised by being told that this is all coming out that he had no option but to take his life”.
Sorry, what? Where’s your compassion for his victims and all victims of abusers worldwide? He had been abusing our kids for decades and got away with it. He’s just a coward who was too much of a wuss to own up to his crimes and do the time.
Don’t RIP. If there’s anything in the afterlife I hope he suffers the way he made his victims suffer. Please do NOT post any comments discrediting or questioning the victims’ authenticity and legitimacy.
And FFS please do NOT post any photos of the abuser.
Diary of an OTD Girl 