Stamford Hill and The Pressures of Modesty for Women

The last event I attended in Stamford Hill was one like the one this woman writes about. I was asked to come dressed appropriately and covered up which I would have done anyway. I was even told that I needed to cover my hair despite the fact I was divorced and this is not necessary according to Jewish law.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid05Eck6j7F9rgz5h2g988xWx9EPSS5tS2KYZpfVLgnTQMx2B77Mpu2vwJ2pe6fTB9Ll&id=564892540

I had countless texts and phone calls prior to this event when the parents (my sibling and her husband) kept asking for photos of what I would wear and wanted to vet me and check it would fit their list of what was acceptable. Of course I’d have gone with appropriate attire but the pressure was so intense and was too much for me.

At the event itself I was looked at from head to toe by pretty much every single person there. I was taken aside by members of my own family who had questions about why I just couldn’t wear a wig (I’d already donated mine to other women in the community).

That night I decided I would never attend an event in Stamford Hill again. I shouldn’t have to justify the denier tights I’m wearing or why I’m wearing 3/4 length T-shirts not ones till the wrist. And the insistence of me covering my hair was ridiculous.

I respect people.
I respect their community.
But they will never respect my life and my choices.

So I’ve never been back.

#stamfordhill #hasidic #jewish #ultraorthodox #modestfashion #honor #shameful The Jewish News #weddingday

Happy Father’s Day – is it Really Happy? Painful? My Story 🥺

Now that Father’s Day is over I wanted to send love and peace to all of us who either haven’t got a father, who have lost their dad, whose father was never around and to those of us who will never receive a phone call from their dad.

My father expects his kids to do the calling and always said “they know where to find me”. I can’t understand that mentality.

It’s been years since we last spoke or saw each other and unfortunately it’s been a rocky ride from day one. I’d love to say he’s been the best dad – the way so many of you are able to – but with so many kids, so little time and money, he wasn’t emotionally available to me. And he never protected us. That hurts.

Father’s Day comes and goes, year in and year out and nothing changes. And I doubt it ever will.… unless I make the initial contact and keep doing that. But don’t we all just want our parents to contact us from time to time? Maybe it’s just me.

Happy Father’s Day to all those dads who are there for your kids and who you love unconditionally. For me it was very much conditional. Once I left their way of life I was an outcast and stopped being part of the family.

Weddings happen.
Bar mitzvah’s come and go.
Babies are born.
Relatives get engaged.
A child is very unwell.

And I know nothing about any of this unless its told to me by someone who happens to mention it and expects me to know. It’s always awkward.

My dad is having a big 70th birthday event in a few days and I knew nothing about it. I only found out when someone asked me for a phone number of a relative to invite them to the party. No consideration for how that would make me feel.

I don’t know why I expect anything else. It’s been like this for years. It’s just tough sometimes… the only photo I have of the two of us and my mother is this one which was taken when I was just 19 and getting married… “You’re welcome to her” he quipped as the wedding ended.

So. Yup. It’s been a hell of a ride for decades and I’m off the train. My number has never changed. ”He knows where to find me”. But he never will. And I’ve accepted it.

(Faces blurred as this is a public post).

#HappyFathersDay #fathersday #fatherhood #parenting #abuse #children #mentalhealth #cult #wedding #marriage #divorce #unconditionallove #sad #disappointed

On a Date – Accept Boundaries Set! Don’t Push and Make Someone Feel Uncomfortable and Unsafe…

Story time! I was on a date with a guy about 3 years ago who knew that the only superficial thing that was important to me is height because I’m tall. He lied and said he was taller than he actually was.

When we met I was taller than him and I was more annoyed that he lied to me than the fact that he was 5”6! We had a nice chat although I knew there was no way I was going to see him again.

He randomly asked how I felt about kissing on a first date and I said no but if I am into the person then on a second date I’d be in. I also reiterated that I was disappointed I had been lied to. We left the bar and I headed to my car.

Suddenly he said hold on! Is the first date inside the bar and the second one here outside? If it’s the second one I want to kiss you! I was like wow wtf dude!! I said again about the height lying thing.

He then went onto the sidewalk as I stood on the road about to get in my car and he said “I’m taller than you now and it’s like a second date, so can we kiss”!!

I made it clear that while he’s a nice person I’m just not feeling it and I wished him all the best but I wouldn’t meet again. He asked if I was dating someone else and I said no I don’t date more than one person at a time. He just couldn’t accept what I was saying.

He walked off. I sped home! The next morning my phone rang and he said “I’ve been thinking about our date last night and I don’t think it’s going to work out so I don’t want to meet up again”!!!

Some people feel the need to be the one to end a relationship or just a dating situation even though I’d already said the exact same thing the night before!! I just said uh-huh ok I already said this but yeah cool. And I hung up.

To be honest it was about the lying and the boundary crossing. When someone says they don’t want or don’t like or can’t go etc let them have their boundaries! Don’t force yourself onto anyone.

#dating #firstdate #tall #London #mentalhealth #lies #boundaries #kiss #height #date #car

Johnny Depp & Amber Heard – Domestic Violence Allegations

Trigger Warning ⚠️ Domestic Violence, Amber Heard, Johnny Depp.

“Believe women”
“MeToo”
“Believe survivors”
“Start believing women”.

Sound familiar? This is what we are all told to think and in the majority of cases this will be true. However, Miss Heard has set women back a long time because now people will say “women can’t be believed. See what she did to Johnny Depp”!

And they would be right. She has unknowingly created huge problems for survivors of domestic abuse. It’s hard enough to be believed, but now it’s going to be way harder.

The circus currently going on in a court in America is unbelievable. There was a huge number of people who assumed Amber Heard was innocent, and they must be feeling so confused.

A close family member married a woman back around 2012. Within two days she completely changed and went from being sweet and kind to a violent woman.

The man in question is over 6” and well built as he spends a lot of time in the gym. The woman, his new wife, was about 5”5 and a slim build. He knew that if he retaliated he would automatically be considered the perpetrator.

She began to beat him for the smallest reason she could find. She also contacted his place of employment and told his boss that HE was being violent to her! He lost his job immediately as he was working with children.

In frustration and at his wits end, he went to his local police station to get help. He told the officer on duty what was going on.

When he told me how this police officer mocked him… laughed at the idea that a man could be being abused… I was livid. He was so ashamed and embarrassed that he simply left and went back to this abuser.

She immediately asked why he was late from work and somehow it came out that he had been to get help. I had a sinking feeling I knew where this was going.

Within a few minutes the police turned up at their apartment and immediately arrested HIM for Domestic Violence. He was handcuffed and taken to the Police Station where he was interrogated relentlessly and was made to feel like he was the abuser as opposed to the victim.

They weren’t listening. His voice.. his story… that didn’t matter. They kept him there for a short time and when he was allowed out he was was served paperwork which was a Non Molestation Order which didn’t have an expiration date. It would be in place for the rest of his life.

Men can be victims too.
Women can be perpetrators.
Amber Heard is a disgrace.
Johnny Depp is a victim of DV.

#JohnnyDepp #AmberHeard #MeToo #survivor #domesticabuse #believe #bekind #mentalhealth #police @MetropolitanPolice #gym #victim

Attack on Muslims in Mosque

“This happened at as mosque in east London.. East Ham I believe, these little shits thought it would be funny to attack Muslims who were just trying to pray. I blame parents for this.. I see it everyday.

Letting your kids act up and never checking them.. this is what they grow up to become and then when they fail in life later you want to blame everyone else but yourself.

Let one of these idiots come try it at my mosque and see…”

This is absolutely disgusting. Can’t people pray in peace without being harassed and physically attacking innocent people like this??

This is so freaking disrespectful and I hope someone with a shred of decency knows who they are and tells the police. Like wow!! Who raised you???

#mosque #London #eastlondon #pray #muslim #religion #prayers #disrespectful #attack #assault #victim #kicking #youths #police #uk @metpolice_uk

Thieves Trying to Get Entry to Homes in London 😳

What absolute scumbags. This is a reminder to be very careful when opening your door to anyone at all. Whether it’s a “warrant” or someone “wanting to sell candy”, these scams are relentless…

#London #thieves #scumbags #robbery

Men Can Be Victims of Domestic Abuse Too…

I can’t believe that in 2022 I still have to say this.

Domestic violence can affect anyone – including men. According to the CDC, one in seven men age 18+ in the U.S. has been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in his lifetime.

When it comes to domestic violence, the conversation typically focuses on women as victims and men as perpetrators. After all, women make up at least 85 percent of the victims, and most often at the hands of male abusers.

But this doesn’t mean that abusive female partners don’t exist; they do. They absolutely do.

One in 10 men has experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner.

Although they make up a smaller percentage of calls to Domestic Violence helplines, there are likely many more men who do not report or seek help for their abuse, for a variety of reasons:

Men are socialized not to express their feelings or see themselves as victims.

Pervading beliefs or stereotypes about men being abusers, women being victims.

The abuse of men is often treated as less serious, or a “joke.” The truth is, abuse is not a joke, in any situation, between any two people.

All victims, regardless of gender, deserve support and resources to help them feel safe. If you are experiencing domestic abuse please reach out to your local police for help. Make sure they truly understand what you’re going through.

And don’t be ashamed to say “I’m a victim of domestic abuse and I need help”. Those words will change your life.

I am all too aware that getting the help you need is not easy – especially when people make assumptions that the woman is the victim because she’s smaller. Or because she can lie and fake tears.

I’m tired. I’m drained. My heart hurts for a family I care deeply about and whom all this applies to…. And shame on those who are helping the woman, knowing very little information and accepting what she says as facts.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. YOU ARE A DISGRACE HELPING A PERPETRATOR AND NOT THE VICTIMS

Matchmaking in the Orthodox Jewish and the Muslim Communities

I don’t think I can cringe any more if I tried!! It’s butt-cheek clenching yikes cringe level!!

Subject – Matchmaking in the Muslim and Ultra Orthodox Jewish communities.

Describing a “class society where classes don’t mix” is just so wrong on so many levels. And saying a daughter of a Rabbi can’t marry the son of a Grocer!! Oh… unless he’s a “good learner and educated in the Bible”.

Even I could do a better job explaining the process, and that’s saying something!!!!

I found it interesting how the Muslim matchmaker said what’s important is not to do with class but where they are in life and if their lives align. And it seems like online dating is more acceptable whereas in the hasidic and haredi communities not everyone is online.

Victims of Abuse are NEVER to Blame. Stop Victim Blaming Behind your Screens! Please!

My comment was in response to an extremely violent attack that an ex-NFL player did to his partner in front of their baby…. It wasn’t about ME! I was just mentioning my story to give people an understanding as to why I felt the way I do.

And this is why so many victims/survivors don’t speak out! The disgusting comments aimed at me doesn’t shock me as it’s not something new for me personally.

I also find it interesting that the assumption made by many when you use the phrase “Domestic Abuse” is physical violence. The ignorance is astonishing. There are so many other forms of abuse… financial, emotional, psychological, sexual, coercion, isolation, etc.

However, for someone who reads them and is in a vulnerable situation this could really affect them. Please be kind on social media. Words carry weight. And words hurt.

Hiding behind a screen victim blaming is the behaviour of a coward and deeply disturbing. Period.

#humanity #bekind #domesticabuse #survivor #victimblaming #victim #danger #socialmedia #Youtube #zacstacy #abuse #nfl #video #CCTV

I Am Not Allowed To Go To My Niece’s Wedding Tomorrow…

April 2016 was the last time I saw my niece. We weren’t allowed to talk to each other since April 2015 but we were both at an event and met there.

I’ll never forget the way both she and her older sister who were both young teenagers whispered to me when no one was looking that they would go to the bathroom and that I should follow a few minutes later.

I knew it would be a one off chance so I grabbed it with both hands. Looking around and making sure I wasn’t being followed I ran upstairs to the bathroom where both of my nieces were waiting for me.

I cannot begin to explain the emotions that went on during those next few minutes before we had to leave. They cried. I cried. They apologised for what was going on and promised they wished they were allowed to see me but had to listen to their parents

They hugged me tighter than I’ve ever hugged anyone knowing this may be the final time we met. The tears wouldn’t stop and I told them that I loved them and was the same person they always knew. I hadn’t changed who I was inside although I looked different. They knew I loved them. I hope they still know that.

I am fully aware of the rabbinic ruling given to their family making it very clear there was to be absolutely no contact ever again. And that stopped instantly. I tried to call and text and got ignored unti eventually I found out why.

I’m no longer angry with them.
I understand how much weight the words of a Rabbi carry.
I also know that they don’t know any different and for them having contact with me is categorically forbidden.

This niece is getting married tomorrow. I had no idea. Someone told me by mistake. I don’t think I was meant to find out. It hurts that I can’t be there to share in her special day…. And I have no way of contacting her.

I miss you…
I love you…
I wish I could be there tomorrow…
I’m sorry your parents have cut me out your life….

Mazel tov 🎉
Congrats 🥳

With so much love from your aunt 🥺❤️

#wedding #family #Rabbi #forbidden #niece #congratulations #ban #religion #cult