The last event I attended in Stamford Hill was one like the one this woman writes about. I was asked to come dressed appropriately and covered up which I would have done anyway. I was even told that I needed to cover my hair despite the fact I was divorced and this is not necessary according to Jewish law.
I had countless texts and phone calls prior to this event when the parents (my sibling and her husband) kept asking for photos of what I would wear and wanted to vet me and check it would fit their list of what was acceptable. Of course I’d have gone with appropriate attire but the pressure was so intense and was too much for me.
At the event itself I was looked at from head to toe by pretty much every single person there. I was taken aside by members of my own family who had questions about why I just couldn’t wear a wig (I’d already donated mine to other women in the community).
That night I decided I would never attend an event in Stamford Hill again. I shouldn’t have to justify the denier tights I’m wearing or why I’m wearing 3/4 length T-shirts not ones till the wrist. And the insistence of me covering my hair was ridiculous.
I respect people. I respect their community. But they will never respect my life and my choices.
Trigger Warning ⚠️ sexual harassment in the workplace ⚠️
I feel so disappointed that there are still men, or women, who think it’s acceptable to harass women, or men at work.
My job is at a reputable company that is to do with mental health. I can’t go into any further details due to confidentiality reasons.
When I go to work and spent 13-14 hours a shift with colleagues who are, or should be, just as passionate about mental health as I am, I don’t expect what happened to me this week.
Long story short, a male I was doing a shift with decided it would be okay to tell me “I like you”. Sounds innocent enough. No? I reminded him I’m in a relationship and he’s married! He says “don’t worry about that. She’s my problem not yours and I’ll deal with that”.
I carried on with my day but every opportunity he had he kept making inappropriate comments. Things such as “I’ll take you on a date. Let’s go for a drive. I’ll show you things you’ve never seen or done.” etc. To say I felt awkward and uncomfortable is an understatement.
However, as there are patients around who are potentially able to hear what we speak about in general, I am incredibly careful about what I say at work. He didn’t care and kept going.
I kept saying no to every suggestion and flirtation but how many times do we have to say no or stop to someone before they actually listen to us?
At one point he said he wanted to take me to him home country so I said “to meet your wife?” He didn’t like me reminding him of her. I told him not only did he disrespect his own wife and marriage, he’s disrespecting my partner and relationship and me. He blatantly told me that because I’m not married “it wouldn’t be cheating”.
“But YOU ARE married! YOU ARE cheating”! I asked how his wife would feel if she heard the way he spoke to me and he said, once again, she’s nothing and irrelevant to him. Disgusting man.
I was unable to speak to anyone in management due to my schedule that morning but I was feeling anxious and spoke to a female colleague who was shocked at what he’d been saying to me.
I felt like I was backed into a corner. I kept telling him to stop. I kept saying shut up dude. I kept saying no. I kept. I kept. And he kept going. When I was able to have a lunch break mid afternoon I had a moment to reflect and felt so lost. The tools we have to prevent being harassed weren’t working on this man.
I felt like my voice was being ignored and my “NO’s” meant nothing to him. I decided to keep away from him the rest of the day and deal with it when I could make sense of it all and speak to someone higher up.
Unfortunately that afternoon he ramped things up even more. I started to feel like I was shrinking and helpless and unable to stop what he was doing. I didn’t want to make a fuss but this was becoming unbearable.
He said that he had liked me back when I started months ago, was obsessed with me, keeps watching me and can’t stop staring at me. Oh, and that this would never stop.
I told him that not only will nothing ever happen, we cannot even be friends now because of his he’s behaved and disrespected my relationship. He says “we can be friends with benefits”. I stopped. Turned around. And had a moment of what the actual fuck is going on??
I chose to ignore him. He repeated himself and I ignored him. He kept going. So I turned back around and said “see that camera? see the other one over there? Those aren’t just visually recording everything. They are audio recording everything you’re saying”. I had forgotten the CCTV cameras all over covered the area we were in too.
He seemed genuinely shocked and then said that because we wear facemasks it won’t be picked up on. Bullshit. Body language is. My voice is always clear.
Later on when I was in the lounge area he pushed a piece of paper towards me, tapping it, and insisting I write my phone number on it. I said NO. He did it again. I said NO. I was so drained at this point.
I needed him to stop. I needed the shift to end. And I wanted out so I could speak to someone who would be able to speak with me and help me out. I knew I couldn’t and wouldn’t keep it to myself but I had to wait until I was able to speak to someone in charge.
After he asked me countless times for my number I felt myself wondering if it would be easier to do that. Then I stopped. I told him I’d think about it. He asked how long would that take and I said “ohhhh a VERY long time”.
At the end of the day I couldn’t leave quick enough. But I felt angry at the situation. Angry at what some people do to grind you down to the ground. Frustrated that whatever I tried to say was ignored. I was just a mess. I didn’t go to work that day to be treated like that. I went to make a difference to people’s lives.
The following morning I brought this up with my Manager who spoke with HR who were left speechless and disgusted at what they heard he’d been saying. I told them most of what he’d said as that was more than enough. They said you do not come to work to be sexually harassed all day, for hours, and be left emotionally drained.
I didn’t want him to lose his job. And I still don’t. However, when I heard from someone in Management that they were not shocked as he had made some inappropriate remarks to other women, albeit not as bad, I no longer cared what happened to him.
I immediately told them I’m no longer doing this “off the record” as now that I know he’s done similar things beforehand I now want this ON the record. Because if he’s done this to other women, he will continue to do it again and again.
And in an environment where we have to maintain professional conduct and composure, regardless of what we see and hear, he was able to get away with this disgusting sexist behaviour and harassing women….
I hope he’s dealt with properly as I know there’s no way he would be allowed to work again in this environment if this is how he’s known to behave.
This breaks my heart 💔 and I know all about the feeling of desperately wanting your mother’s love and support but knowing she’s not able to give that to you and is unable to apologise for the abuse and pain she’s put you through…
This is from a tv show called Bride and Prejudice: The Forbidden Weddings. It’s on Discovery+. Definitely worth watching…
Umm 🤔 why not??? Let’s be honest and open and stop sugarcoating what is happening with young people in haredi and hasidic communities.
I have so much to say on this. She’s literally contradicting herself several times saying it’s not an arranged marriage. But then says a matchmaker is involved, they had only a few meetings before getting engaged etc.
I find her attitude towards those who date to get married and have kids in the secular world jarring. We all ask – yes even on dating apps – what they want out of it. If they want or have kids. If they want marriage etc.
She seems to be hugely offended by the term “arranged marriage”. And claims that it’s different in her son’s community as he’s a baal teshuva. Sorry hun but I’m the daughter of both parents who are BT and that’s just not the case.
If there’s a matchmaker involved and they get engaged it’s an arranged marriage.
Clearly parents can’t fix you up if they are outside the community. So the shadchanim or someone else does. And yes of course children of BTs are fixed up by parents!
She herself commented that they were ‘fixed up’ together – so how is that not ‘arranged’??? And what pool of young women was felt appropriate for him???
This woman means well but is literally contradicting herself throughout and it’s frustrating to read.
Warren Jeffs is a pedophile. Warren Jeffs is an evil monster. The things he subjected not just the women and young girls to but also to the men is horrific to say the least.
One of the main women on the FLDS documentary said this at the end of part 4. I had to stop, rewind, listen again. And again. And then I felt a pull to write it down and share here.
“Those of us that are coming from the fallout of the FLDS at some point we have to move forward. The next generation depends upon it. But it’s very complicated.
So many of us are still functioning under the shadow of the past. I thought I was further along than I was. And then you have these moments as an adult when you think I know nothing. I know nothing”.
What a powerful and relatable idea. We don’t always recognise that when those of us who leave cults, extreme religions or closed communities, it takes time to heal.
We never know what the trigger is and how it will manifest itself. This documentary needs to be shown to everyone. It describes how people can be brainwashed to believe anything at all when done b the worst manipulator and abuser.
It also makes us realise the concept of coercion and underage brides being r*ped by older men sometimes in front of other women as if it’s some godly act.
Yet even after he’s been in jail for over 10 years he has strong supporters who seem to be living with the notion that he’s a martyr and they will do anything for their “prophet”.
To be clear, this is not about religion. It’s about fundamentalists, radical, and extreme cults.
“Real domestic abuse victims struggle, sometimes for years, to have their voices heard. They suffer at the hands of their aggressors, often trapped in toxic situations through lack of money, opportunities or the constraints of their culture.”
“For Heard to jump on the #MeToo bandwagon under false pretences feels like the ultimate betrayal, as did the fact that she lied about donating the proceeds of her divorce settlement to charity.”
“She gives all women a bad name, and in many ways undoes years of work building up credibility for victims of domestic violence. She claimed in her statement that the verdict was a ‘setback’ for women, but that’s not true: she is the one who has set back the cause for women. That, I’m afraid, is the hard truth she must now accept.”
This article is spot on. Thank you Sarah Vine for speaking the truth
Amber is now facing what Johnny had to live with for 6 years. In his case, it was unjustified. Amber lied and defamed him for publicity to bolster her career but, her plan backfired.
A perfect way of describing what most Domestic Abuse survivors feel about this case…
It’s not issue of gender. It was victory of good over evil. If you lie you have to pay for your lies.
Power comes from the act of abuse not from gender, race, age, position, wealth or fame.
Amber abused Johnny. Amber had power over Johnny.
Isn’t it time we buried the David & Goliath trope once and for all??
Finally! A journalist making sense! Sarah Vine watched the trial and reported truthfully! No gas lighting, no white knuckling criteria of what you need to be to be a victim, no blind eye to the fact that women can be awful, too. Imagine that. THANK YOU, SARAH.
You don’t speak for me. You don’t speak for victims. You are not a survivor of domestic abuse. You have the nerve to stand and talk to survivors as if you are one of us when you’re a perpetrator. Stand down. Walk away.
You don’t deserve this platform. Shame on the people who invited her to speak at a #MeToo rally when she was the abuser. Those who say it’s a step back for women I say no! This is a step forward for survivors and the world finally seeing that men can also be victims of abuse.
It makes me livid seeing her talk about her fake abuse. It enrages me to think that the women protesting and cheering were actually watching a perpetrator of abuse switch the story around.
And just like her, I won’t be mentioning her name. We all know who I’m referring to. But if I don’t say her name it could be anyone. No?!?
Sound familiar? This is what we are all told to think and in the majority of cases this will be true. However, Miss Heard has set women back a long time because now people will say “women can’t be believed. See what she did to Johnny Depp”!
And they would be right. She has unknowingly created huge problems for survivors of domestic abuse. It’s hard enough to be believed, but now it’s going to be way harder.
The circus currently going on in a court in America is unbelievable. There was a huge number of people who assumed Amber Heard was innocent, and they must be feeling so confused.
A close family member married a woman back around 2012. Within two days she completely changed and went from being sweet and kind to a violent woman.
The man in question is over 6” and well built as he spends a lot of time in the gym. The woman, his new wife, was about 5”5 and a slim build. He knew that if he retaliated he would automatically be considered the perpetrator.
She began to beat him for the smallest reason she could find. She also contacted his place of employment and told his boss that HE was being violent to her! He lost his job immediately as he was working with children.
In frustration and at his wits end, he went to his local police station to get help. He told the officer on duty what was going on.
When he told me how this police officer mocked him… laughed at the idea that a man could be being abused… I was livid. He was so ashamed and embarrassed that he simply left and went back to this abuser.
She immediately asked why he was late from work and somehow it came out that he had been to get help. I had a sinking feeling I knew where this was going.
Within a few minutes the police turned up at their apartment and immediately arrested HIM for Domestic Violence. He was handcuffed and taken to the Police Station where he was interrogated relentlessly and was made to feel like he was the abuser as opposed to the victim.
They weren’t listening. His voice.. his story… that didn’t matter. They kept him there for a short time and when he was allowed out he was was served paperwork which was a Non Molestation Order which didn’t have an expiration date. It would be in place for the rest of his life.
Men can be victims too. Women can be perpetrators. Amber Heard is a disgrace. Johnny Depp is a victim of DV.
If he was able to articulate the issues he faces without becoming so angry, I’d be more inclined to listen to him.
The issue with this particular man is not his height. It’s in fact his anger and aggression aimed at women. This would be the most off putting thing for anyone wanting to date.
I don’t think I can cringe any more if I tried!! It’s butt-cheek clenching yikes cringe level!!
Subject – Matchmaking in the Muslim and Ultra Orthodox Jewish communities.
Describing a “class society where classes don’t mix” is just so wrong on so many levels. And saying a daughter of a Rabbi can’t marry the son of a Grocer!! Oh… unless he’s a “good learner and educated in the Bible”.
Even I could do a better job explaining the process, and that’s saying something!!!!
I found it interesting how the Muslim matchmaker said what’s important is not to do with class but where they are in life and if their lives align. And it seems like online dating is more acceptable whereas in the hasidic and haredi communities not everyone is online.
Diary of an OTD Girl 