Stamford Hill and The Pressures of Modesty for Women

The last event I attended in Stamford Hill was one like the one this woman writes about. I was asked to come dressed appropriately and covered up which I would have done anyway. I was even told that I needed to cover my hair despite the fact I was divorced and this is not necessary according to Jewish law.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid05Eck6j7F9rgz5h2g988xWx9EPSS5tS2KYZpfVLgnTQMx2B77Mpu2vwJ2pe6fTB9Ll&id=564892540

I had countless texts and phone calls prior to this event when the parents (my sibling and her husband) kept asking for photos of what I would wear and wanted to vet me and check it would fit their list of what was acceptable. Of course I’d have gone with appropriate attire but the pressure was so intense and was too much for me.

At the event itself I was looked at from head to toe by pretty much every single person there. I was taken aside by members of my own family who had questions about why I just couldn’t wear a wig (I’d already donated mine to other women in the community).

That night I decided I would never attend an event in Stamford Hill again. I shouldn’t have to justify the denier tights I’m wearing or why I’m wearing 3/4 length T-shirts not ones till the wrist. And the insistence of me covering my hair was ridiculous.

I respect people.
I respect their community.
But they will never respect my life and my choices.

So I’ve never been back.

#stamfordhill #hasidic #jewish #ultraorthodox #modestfashion #honor #shameful The Jewish News #weddingday

“My Husband is my Boss” – is this mentality dangerous?

Could you be like this woman?? I can’t think of anything worse! It might just be my own personal experiences that make me cringe and worry for people who subjugate themselves and blindly follow what they’re told.

She might have the best marriage and a man who doesn’t take advantage of her loyalty and support of everything he says. I just couldn’t do it. Period.

#bekind #religion #islam #christianity #culture #abuse #survivor #domesticabuseawareness #domesticviolence #couplegoals #men #women #andrewtate #mentalhealth #judaism #anxiety #relationshipgoals #marriage #wedding #couplesgoals #danger #narcissisticabuse #survive #king #queen #love

“Please stop calling my Haredi son’s marriage an “Arranged Marriage”

Umm 🤔 why not??? Let’s be honest and open and stop sugarcoating what is happening with young people in haredi and hasidic communities.

I have so much to say on this. She’s literally contradicting herself several times saying it’s not an arranged marriage. But then says a matchmaker is involved, they had only a few meetings before getting engaged etc.

I find her attitude towards those who date to get married and have kids in the secular world jarring. We all ask – yes even on dating apps – what they want out of it. If they want or have kids. If they want marriage etc.

She seems to be hugely offended by the term “arranged marriage”. And claims that it’s different in her son’s community as he’s a baal teshuva. Sorry hun but I’m the daughter of both parents who are BT and that’s just not the case.

If there’s a matchmaker involved and they get engaged it’s an arranged marriage.

https://forward.com/opinion/514894/please-stop-calling-my-haredi-sons-marriage-an-arranged-marriage/?fbclid=IwAR32FbqpvDvcICXnFqbfqGm9uuqb_DNg_P6rkCL9XgwjDYI-hO3XJrFS4Ao&fs=e&s=cl

Clearly parents can’t fix you up if they are outside the community. So the shadchanim or someone else does. And yes of course children of BTs are fixed up by parents!

She herself commented that they were ‘fixed up’ together – so how is that not ‘arranged’??? And what pool of young women was felt appropriate for him???

This woman means well but is literally contradicting herself throughout and it’s frustrating to read.

Happy Father’s Day – is it Really Happy? Painful? My Story 🥺

Now that Father’s Day is over I wanted to send love and peace to all of us who either haven’t got a father, who have lost their dad, whose father was never around and to those of us who will never receive a phone call from their dad.

My father expects his kids to do the calling and always said “they know where to find me”. I can’t understand that mentality.

It’s been years since we last spoke or saw each other and unfortunately it’s been a rocky ride from day one. I’d love to say he’s been the best dad – the way so many of you are able to – but with so many kids, so little time and money, he wasn’t emotionally available to me. And he never protected us. That hurts.

Father’s Day comes and goes, year in and year out and nothing changes. And I doubt it ever will.… unless I make the initial contact and keep doing that. But don’t we all just want our parents to contact us from time to time? Maybe it’s just me.

Happy Father’s Day to all those dads who are there for your kids and who you love unconditionally. For me it was very much conditional. Once I left their way of life I was an outcast and stopped being part of the family.

Weddings happen.
Bar mitzvah’s come and go.
Babies are born.
Relatives get engaged.
A child is very unwell.

And I know nothing about any of this unless its told to me by someone who happens to mention it and expects me to know. It’s always awkward.

My dad is having a big 70th birthday event in a few days and I knew nothing about it. I only found out when someone asked me for a phone number of a relative to invite them to the party. No consideration for how that would make me feel.

I don’t know why I expect anything else. It’s been like this for years. It’s just tough sometimes… the only photo I have of the two of us and my mother is this one which was taken when I was just 19 and getting married… “You’re welcome to her” he quipped as the wedding ended.

So. Yup. It’s been a hell of a ride for decades and I’m off the train. My number has never changed. ”He knows where to find me”. But he never will. And I’ve accepted it.

(Faces blurred as this is a public post).

#HappyFathersDay #fathersday #fatherhood #parenting #abuse #children #mentalhealth #cult #wedding #marriage #divorce #unconditionallove #sad #disappointed

NETFLIX – “KEEP SWEET PRAY AND OBEY”

Trigger Warning ⚠️

Warren Jeffs is a pedophile.
Warren Jeffs is an evil monster.
The things he subjected not just the women and young girls to but also to the men is horrific to say the least.

One of the main women on the FLDS documentary said this at the end of part 4. I had to stop, rewind, listen again. And again. And then I felt a pull to write it down and share here.

“Those of us that are coming from the fallout of the FLDS at some point we have to move forward. The next generation depends upon it. But it’s very complicated.

So many of us are still functioning under the shadow of the past. I thought I was further along than I was. And then you have these moments as an adult when you think I know nothing. I know nothing”.

What a powerful and relatable idea. We don’t always recognise that when those of us who leave cults, extreme religions or closed communities, it takes time to heal.

We never know what the trigger is and how it will manifest itself. This documentary needs to be shown to everyone. It describes how people can be brainwashed to believe anything at all when done b the worst manipulator and abuser.

It also makes us realise the concept of coercion and underage brides being r*ped by older men sometimes in front of other women as if it’s some godly act.

Yet even after he’s been in jail for over 10 years he has strong supporters who seem to be living with the notion that he’s a martyr and they will do anything for their “prophet”.

To be clear, this is not about religion. It’s about fundamentalists, radical, and extreme cults.

#mentalhealth #Netflix #keepsweetprayandobey #documentary #FLDS #WarrenJeffs #fraud #fake

Attack on Muslims in Mosque

“This happened at as mosque in east London.. East Ham I believe, these little shits thought it would be funny to attack Muslims who were just trying to pray. I blame parents for this.. I see it everyday.

Letting your kids act up and never checking them.. this is what they grow up to become and then when they fail in life later you want to blame everyone else but yourself.

Let one of these idiots come try it at my mosque and see…”

This is absolutely disgusting. Can’t people pray in peace without being harassed and physically attacking innocent people like this??

This is so freaking disrespectful and I hope someone with a shred of decency knows who they are and tells the police. Like wow!! Who raised you???

#mosque #London #eastlondon #pray #muslim #religion #prayers #disrespectful #attack #assault #victim #kicking #youths #police #uk @metpolice_uk

“Kol Kevudah” New Initiative Seeks to Increase Tzniyus (modesty) in Shoe Stores

I don’t know what to say. This makes every part of me cringe. It’s just uncomfortable for so many reasons…. To think that a shoe store owner feels like this is really yuk. Focus on your job not leering at women!

“The poster, written as a poem, states that while the store owner does his best to provide customers with a nice pair of shoes, “but something’s on my mind, I struggle too… I struggle daily with Shmiras Einayim.”

“The view that I have as I crouch on the floor, As I fit your child with one pair of shoes or more. When you cross your legs, the truth I do say, If you knew how it looks you wouldn’t sit that way!”

https://www.theyeshivaworld.com/news/headlines-breaking-stories/2073550/kol-kevudah-new-initiative-seeks-to-increase-tzniyus-in-shoe-stores.html?fbclid=IwAR2EzyYpeffxbDf4aMIqQ3drdPkIV3WLoMBL37W8HFqFMIBAaqiMHfp64HM

Men Can Be Victims of Domestic Abuse Too…

I can’t believe that in 2022 I still have to say this.

Domestic violence can affect anyone – including men. According to the CDC, one in seven men age 18+ in the U.S. has been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in his lifetime.

When it comes to domestic violence, the conversation typically focuses on women as victims and men as perpetrators. After all, women make up at least 85 percent of the victims, and most often at the hands of male abusers.

But this doesn’t mean that abusive female partners don’t exist; they do. They absolutely do.

One in 10 men has experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner.

Although they make up a smaller percentage of calls to Domestic Violence helplines, there are likely many more men who do not report or seek help for their abuse, for a variety of reasons:

Men are socialized not to express their feelings or see themselves as victims.

Pervading beliefs or stereotypes about men being abusers, women being victims.

The abuse of men is often treated as less serious, or a “joke.” The truth is, abuse is not a joke, in any situation, between any two people.

All victims, regardless of gender, deserve support and resources to help them feel safe. If you are experiencing domestic abuse please reach out to your local police for help. Make sure they truly understand what you’re going through.

And don’t be ashamed to say “I’m a victim of domestic abuse and I need help”. Those words will change your life.

I am all too aware that getting the help you need is not easy – especially when people make assumptions that the woman is the victim because she’s smaller. Or because she can lie and fake tears.

I’m tired. I’m drained. My heart hurts for a family I care deeply about and whom all this applies to…. And shame on those who are helping the woman, knowing very little information and accepting what she says as facts.

YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. YOU ARE A DISGRACE HELPING A PERPETRATOR AND NOT THE VICTIMS

Matchmaking in the Orthodox Jewish and the Muslim Communities

I don’t think I can cringe any more if I tried!! It’s butt-cheek clenching yikes cringe level!!

Subject – Matchmaking in the Muslim and Ultra Orthodox Jewish communities.

Describing a “class society where classes don’t mix” is just so wrong on so many levels. And saying a daughter of a Rabbi can’t marry the son of a Grocer!! Oh… unless he’s a “good learner and educated in the Bible”.

Even I could do a better job explaining the process, and that’s saying something!!!!

I found it interesting how the Muslim matchmaker said what’s important is not to do with class but where they are in life and if their lives align. And it seems like online dating is more acceptable whereas in the hasidic and haredi communities not everyone is online.

The New Nude? Radical Show Explores the Naked Body in Photograph

‘Nude’, an exhibition at Fotografiska New York will look back on this gaze, and look hard.

The show, which opens on 11 February 2022, explores the naked body through different aesthetic lenses: poignant, macabre, glamorised and disorientating.

Though the show is limited to work by 30 female-identifying photographers (an effort to counteract male-dominated perspectives on nudity), the subject matter is not limited by gender identity.

Featured artists, representing 20 nationalities, include nonbinary individuals, men, and women, among whom are transgender individuals sharing their surgical transitions.

“Most of the bodies we see online on a daily basis aren’t even real, but rather enhanced or modified by technology to conform to an unsustainable current trend,’ says LA-based photographer Julia SH.

Julia is exhibiting powerful, textured portraits of bodies rarely depicted in 21st-century media, presented in museum-like frames.”

*****

Please be respectful and kind. If you have nothing nice to say just don’t comment at all. I find this fascinating purely because people come in all shapes and sizes and from so many cultures and nationalities.

And yet we keep being fed one narrative: only the thinnest bodies with perfect breasts and bums and six packs are okay to publish.

Indeed even when they have “plus size” models they can still be a U.K. size 12 which is obviously not plus size! All scars, freckles, cellulite and other parts of a normal body is smoothed away to show us what they want us to think is “a perfect body”.

The pressure has been put on women and girls for decades. However in recent years men and boys are also expected to have a perfect body. And a man with a bit of a belly is nicknamed “having a dad bod” as though that’s something to be ashamed of.

People are all different. We can have things we prefer and looks we admire. But for us to think that what is shown on social media is anything other than totally FAKE is ignorant.

Even the people who are considered the “prettiest or most handsome people” filter their pictures – obviously after taking 100 of the same photo to get “the perfect one to post”!

https://www.wallpaper.com/art/nude-photography-exhibition-fotografiska-new-york