Could you be like this woman?? I can’t think of anything worse! It might just be my own personal experiences that make me cringe and worry for people who subjugate themselves and blindly follow what they’re told.
She might have the best marriage and a man who doesn’t take advantage of her loyalty and support of everything he says. I just couldn’t do it. Period.
Trigger Warning ⚠️ sexual harassment in the workplace ⚠️
I feel so disappointed that there are still men, or women, who think it’s acceptable to harass women, or men at work.
My job is at a reputable company that is to do with mental health. I can’t go into any further details due to confidentiality reasons.
When I go to work and spent 13-14 hours a shift with colleagues who are, or should be, just as passionate about mental health as I am, I don’t expect what happened to me this week.
Long story short, a male I was doing a shift with decided it would be okay to tell me “I like you”. Sounds innocent enough. No? I reminded him I’m in a relationship and he’s married! He says “don’t worry about that. She’s my problem not yours and I’ll deal with that”.
I carried on with my day but every opportunity he had he kept making inappropriate comments. Things such as “I’ll take you on a date. Let’s go for a drive. I’ll show you things you’ve never seen or done.” etc. To say I felt awkward and uncomfortable is an understatement.
However, as there are patients around who are potentially able to hear what we speak about in general, I am incredibly careful about what I say at work. He didn’t care and kept going.
I kept saying no to every suggestion and flirtation but how many times do we have to say no or stop to someone before they actually listen to us?
At one point he said he wanted to take me to him home country so I said “to meet your wife?” He didn’t like me reminding him of her. I told him not only did he disrespect his own wife and marriage, he’s disrespecting my partner and relationship and me. He blatantly told me that because I’m not married “it wouldn’t be cheating”.
“But YOU ARE married! YOU ARE cheating”! I asked how his wife would feel if she heard the way he spoke to me and he said, once again, she’s nothing and irrelevant to him. Disgusting man.
I was unable to speak to anyone in management due to my schedule that morning but I was feeling anxious and spoke to a female colleague who was shocked at what he’d been saying to me.
I felt like I was backed into a corner. I kept telling him to stop. I kept saying shut up dude. I kept saying no. I kept. I kept. And he kept going. When I was able to have a lunch break mid afternoon I had a moment to reflect and felt so lost. The tools we have to prevent being harassed weren’t working on this man.
I felt like my voice was being ignored and my “NO’s” meant nothing to him. I decided to keep away from him the rest of the day and deal with it when I could make sense of it all and speak to someone higher up.
Unfortunately that afternoon he ramped things up even more. I started to feel like I was shrinking and helpless and unable to stop what he was doing. I didn’t want to make a fuss but this was becoming unbearable.
He said that he had liked me back when I started months ago, was obsessed with me, keeps watching me and can’t stop staring at me. Oh, and that this would never stop.
I told him that not only will nothing ever happen, we cannot even be friends now because of his he’s behaved and disrespected my relationship. He says “we can be friends with benefits”. I stopped. Turned around. And had a moment of what the actual fuck is going on??
I chose to ignore him. He repeated himself and I ignored him. He kept going. So I turned back around and said “see that camera? see the other one over there? Those aren’t just visually recording everything. They are audio recording everything you’re saying”. I had forgotten the CCTV cameras all over covered the area we were in too.
He seemed genuinely shocked and then said that because we wear facemasks it won’t be picked up on. Bullshit. Body language is. My voice is always clear.
Later on when I was in the lounge area he pushed a piece of paper towards me, tapping it, and insisting I write my phone number on it. I said NO. He did it again. I said NO. I was so drained at this point.
I needed him to stop. I needed the shift to end. And I wanted out so I could speak to someone who would be able to speak with me and help me out. I knew I couldn’t and wouldn’t keep it to myself but I had to wait until I was able to speak to someone in charge.
After he asked me countless times for my number I felt myself wondering if it would be easier to do that. Then I stopped. I told him I’d think about it. He asked how long would that take and I said “ohhhh a VERY long time”.
At the end of the day I couldn’t leave quick enough. But I felt angry at the situation. Angry at what some people do to grind you down to the ground. Frustrated that whatever I tried to say was ignored. I was just a mess. I didn’t go to work that day to be treated like that. I went to make a difference to people’s lives.
The following morning I brought this up with my Manager who spoke with HR who were left speechless and disgusted at what they heard he’d been saying. I told them most of what he’d said as that was more than enough. They said you do not come to work to be sexually harassed all day, for hours, and be left emotionally drained.
I didn’t want him to lose his job. And I still don’t. However, when I heard from someone in Management that they were not shocked as he had made some inappropriate remarks to other women, albeit not as bad, I no longer cared what happened to him.
I immediately told them I’m no longer doing this “off the record” as now that I know he’s done similar things beforehand I now want this ON the record. Because if he’s done this to other women, he will continue to do it again and again.
And in an environment where we have to maintain professional conduct and composure, regardless of what we see and hear, he was able to get away with this disgusting sexist behaviour and harassing women….
I hope he’s dealt with properly as I know there’s no way he would be allowed to work again in this environment if this is how he’s known to behave.
This breaks my heart 💔 and I know all about the feeling of desperately wanting your mother’s love and support but knowing she’s not able to give that to you and is unable to apologise for the abuse and pain she’s put you through…
This is from a tv show called Bride and Prejudice: The Forbidden Weddings. It’s on Discovery+. Definitely worth watching…
Now that Father’s Day is over I wanted to send love and peace to all of us who either haven’t got a father, who have lost their dad, whose father was never around and to those of us who will never receive a phone call from their dad.
My father expects his kids to do the calling and always said “they know where to find me”. I can’t understand that mentality.
It’s been years since we last spoke or saw each other and unfortunately it’s been a rocky ride from day one. I’d love to say he’s been the best dad – the way so many of you are able to – but with so many kids, so little time and money, he wasn’t emotionally available to me. And he never protected us. That hurts.
Father’s Day comes and goes, year in and year out and nothing changes. And I doubt it ever will.… unless I make the initial contact and keep doing that. But don’t we all just want our parents to contact us from time to time? Maybe it’s just me.
Happy Father’s Day to all those dads who are there for your kids and who you love unconditionally. For me it was very much conditional. Once I left their way of life I was an outcast and stopped being part of the family.
Weddings happen. Bar mitzvah’s come and go. Babies are born. Relatives get engaged. A child is very unwell.
And I know nothing about any of this unless its told to me by someone who happens to mention it and expects me to know. It’s always awkward.
My dad is having a big 70th birthday event in a few days and I knew nothing about it. I only found out when someone asked me for a phone number of a relative to invite them to the party. No consideration for how that would make me feel.
I don’t know why I expect anything else. It’s been like this for years. It’s just tough sometimes… the only photo I have of the two of us and my mother is this one which was taken when I was just 19 and getting married… “You’re welcome to her” he quipped as the wedding ended.
So. Yup. It’s been a hell of a ride for decades and I’m off the train. My number has never changed. ”He knows where to find me”. But he never will. And I’ve accepted it.
Warren Jeffs is a pedophile. Warren Jeffs is an evil monster. The things he subjected not just the women and young girls to but also to the men is horrific to say the least.
One of the main women on the FLDS documentary said this at the end of part 4. I had to stop, rewind, listen again. And again. And then I felt a pull to write it down and share here.
“Those of us that are coming from the fallout of the FLDS at some point we have to move forward. The next generation depends upon it. But it’s very complicated.
So many of us are still functioning under the shadow of the past. I thought I was further along than I was. And then you have these moments as an adult when you think I know nothing. I know nothing”.
What a powerful and relatable idea. We don’t always recognise that when those of us who leave cults, extreme religions or closed communities, it takes time to heal.
We never know what the trigger is and how it will manifest itself. This documentary needs to be shown to everyone. It describes how people can be brainwashed to believe anything at all when done b the worst manipulator and abuser.
It also makes us realise the concept of coercion and underage brides being r*ped by older men sometimes in front of other women as if it’s some godly act.
Yet even after he’s been in jail for over 10 years he has strong supporters who seem to be living with the notion that he’s a martyr and they will do anything for their “prophet”.
To be clear, this is not about religion. It’s about fundamentalists, radical, and extreme cults.
Trigger Warning ⚠️ child abuse, underage marriage, control, etc.
This week, a new true crime has dropped on Netflix called Keep Sweet: Pray and Obey. It tells the harrowing true story of a polygamous cult, and viewers of the show are calling it the most traumatising thing they have ever watched.
This Netflix series explores the secretive and chilling polygamous cult of the Fundamentalist Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (FLDS) Keep Sweet: Pray and Obey focuses on a US polygamous cult led by Warren Jeffs, who to followers was the leader or “prophet” of the group.
The group saw hundreds of women and children abused on a daily basis. In 2011, Warren Jeffs was convicted in Texas of two counts of sexual assault of a child. He was sentenced to life in prison for sexually assaulting a a 12-year-old girl, and 20 years for sexually assaulting a 15-year-old girl.
Warren Jeffs was previously convicted in Utah on two counts of being an accomplice to rape in 2007, but that conviction was overturned by the Utah Supreme Court in 2010.
According to a former US Attorney Special Prosecutor who participated in the Netflix documentary, evidence during the sentence phase of the trial reflected that Jeffs was “involved in conducting the marriages of 67 underage girls to FLDS men”, and that he “had himself 78 wives – 24 of those wives were underage.”
Jeffs is a monster who’s presently serving life in prison for the sexual assault of two young girls, ages 12 and 15, who at the time of his crimes were both his wives.
Dretzin’s four-part affair is a history lesson about the modern FLDS movement, which was spearheaded by Jeffs’ father, Rulon, the original prophet, who even in his eighties was continuing to marry as many young women as he could get his wrinkled hands on, including Rebecca Wall, who speaks in detail about the nightmare of having to share a house—and bed—with this elderly creep.
From there, it was only a short leap into systemic pedophilia. Let that sink in.
Keep Sweet: Pray and Obey is a snapshot of the fear, intimidation, broken families, and sinister misconduct begat by this situation.
Thankfully, director Dretzin crafts her portrait with virtually no dramatic recreations, instead relying on a haunting collection of archival photos, home videos, courtroom footage, and recorded evidence to convey the unnerving strangeness of FLDS life, in which women dressed (as one speaker pointedly puts it) like Laura Ingalls, and men preached in holier-than-thou tones that belied their baser designs.
That material culminates with clandestine photographs and audio tapes made by Jeffs of his sexual encounters with his victims, which are so predictably disgusting that it’s no surprise they landed him behind bars, where he continues to create “revelations” that are disseminated to his followers.
This 4 part documentary is chilling, possibly triggering, shocking, disturbing, and a real eye opener to those who know little or nothing about the FLDS cult, an offshoot of Mormonism. Watch with care 🖤
To be clear, this isn’t about religion. It’s about cults, brainwashing, controlling people, underage brides, sexual abuse and r*pe of minors, forced marriage, etc.
Heard openly mocked Depp for being a “victim of abuse”
Jurors also heard a recording of Heard allegedly pressuring Depp to come forward as a “victim of domestic violence” and suggesting he wouldn’t be believed.
“Tell the world, Johnny, tell them, Johnny Depp, I, Johnny Depp, a man, I’m a victim too of domestic violence,” Heard says, before going on to challenge him to “see how many people believe or side with you.”
Jurors were played recordings of fights, including one in which Heard admitted to “hitting” Depp.
“You didn’t get punched. You got hit. I’m sorry I hit you like this, but I did not punch you. I did not fucking deck you. I fucking was hitting you.”
Heard later apologized.
Heard testified that Depp got violent during their honeymoon in 2015, after an argument over his drinking.
“He would slam me up against the wall,” she said. She said she feared Depp would kill her.
A trip to Australia, where Depp was filming the fifth installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean movie franchise, featured prominently in the trial. Depp claimed his wife threw a vodka bottle at him, severing the top of his middle right finger. Heard claimed Depp sexually assaulted her with a whiskey bottle.
“It [was] so easy for him to throw me around,” Heard testified. Depp, she said, shoved a liquor bottle “inside of me over and over again” and “said he would kill me”.
If this actually happened she would have been in hospital. The stories she’s come out with are ludicrous and lacked credibility in my personal opinion.
For everyone saying that “Now that a jury has sided with Johnny Depp, advocates say the verdict could have a chilling effect on other survivors looking to speak out against their abusers.” I say this.
Stop speaking on behalf of women like myself who have been abused while in a relationship with my ex husband.I support Johnny Depp.
He was the victim. Women always fight to be believed. This will set us back because we will be asked if we are like Amber Heard. Heard and the ACLU demonised Depp without knowing any facts. Shameful.
I can’t believe that in 2022 I still have to say this.
Domestic violence can affect anyone – including men. According to the CDC, one in seven men age 18+ in the U.S. has been the victim of severe physical violence by an intimate partner in his lifetime.
When it comes to domestic violence, the conversation typically focuses on women as victims and men as perpetrators. After all, women make up at least 85 percent of the victims, and most often at the hands of male abusers.
But this doesn’t mean that abusive female partners don’t exist; they do. They absolutely do.
One in 10 men has experienced rape, physical violence, and/or stalking by an intimate partner.
Although they make up a smaller percentage of calls to Domestic Violence helplines, there are likely many more men who do not report or seek help for their abuse, for a variety of reasons:
Men are socialized not to express their feelings or see themselves as victims.
Pervading beliefs or stereotypes about men being abusers, women being victims.
The abuse of men is often treated as less serious, or a “joke.” The truth is, abuse is not a joke, in any situation, between any two people.
All victims, regardless of gender, deserve support and resources to help them feel safe. If you are experiencing domestic abuse please reach out to your local police for help. Make sure they truly understand what you’re going through.
And don’t be ashamed to say “I’m a victim of domestic abuse and I need help”. Those words will change your life.
I am all too aware that getting the help you need is not easy – especially when people make assumptions that the woman is the victim because she’s smaller. Or because she can lie and fake tears.
I’m tired. I’m drained. My heart hurts for a family I care deeply about and whom all this applies to…. And shame on those who are helping the woman, knowing very little information and accepting what she says as facts.
YOU KNOW WHO YOU ARE. YOU ARE A DISGRACE HELPING A PERPETRATOR AND NOT THE VICTIMS
It’s so sad and disappointing that I’m still having to deal with ignorant and disgusting comments on the Walder SA/r*pe situation.
Sadly it doesn’t shock me. I’ve been receiving so many on here and on my WordPress blog page too. Fortunately I have the option of allowing them to be posted or not. And I’ve left them in my inbox and won’t be posting them.
The sad thing is that it’s people who cannot grasp the truth – that the person they admired and looked up to – was capable of such heinous crimes against so many girls and women.
Just saw this video link sent by a follower (thank you!) and it gave me hope that there may be a shift in how the frum community deal with SA. Might be a tiny shift. But a shift nonetheless.
I’ve reread the post I wrote after I heard of the young woman who couldn’t bear the pain and took her own life. She was one of CW’s victims.
While there’s always going to be those who say innocent until proven guilty and crap like that, let’s remember that he decided to kill himself rather than face up to what he did.
He had the chance to validate the pain he made these countless victims endured. He could have just been honest in his suicide note rather than make himself seem like a victim.
I might regret some of the language I used. But the feelings, the emotions, the anger, the sadness, the feelings of injustice are still there.
But something has changed.
I have suddenly noticed a large number of orthodox Jewish people and rabbis who have come forward and spoken out against what he did and in support of the victims.
And it reminds me of the Weberman predator, serving 103 years for horrific sexual crimes against a minor. And I remember the number of people who came out to support HIM. The queues went round the courthouse there were so many people from the orthodox Jewish community there.
Not to support this girl. They came to support the rapist.
And then there was the rabbi who filmed countless women at the mikva baths. And the rabbi who groped a minor and got away with a short sentence for pleading guilty.
And no one believed the women and girls. I was one of the few voices shouting into the abyss. I felt like I was drowning and no one could hear me.
And now when I type CW’s name into any search engine, the things that come up are completely different. There’s been a change. It’s taken decades and lives have been lost in the process.
But finally we can see people in total despair not knowing how to talk to their kids about CW and why his books aren’t around anymore. They have to tak about things that break your heart and kids shouldn’t have to know about.
But perhaps it’s time to have these conversations with your kids. Maybe it’s time to be honest with them and tell them the basics – according to their age of course – about what is okay and what is not. And if anything happens they should tell you even if they’re threatened or bribed otherwise.
I remember when the world learned that there was a serious problem within the Catholic Church. That there were priests, heads of catholic boarding schools, who had abused so many children, mainly boys.
No one could believe it. But when one person comes forward you can think oh it’s just him. Then another one does the same. And then more and more people come out and tell the same story. And we can no longer say these men are all liars. Some predators ended up in jail. Others didn’t.
And a couple of decades later we are seeing the same thing happen in the orthodox Jewish community. It wasn’t enough for there to be a “Wall of Shame” on a website. It wasn’t enough to hear of people doing the worst things to little boys and girls.
But now I can see people coming to the painful realisation that the rabbi, the therapist, the camp leader, the author, the older mentors, even family members, are all a risk to our children. And we can no longer bury our head in the sand and pretend it doesn’t affect this community. It does.
And it hurts to realise that the people you so admitted and looked up to did the worse things imaginable to the most vulnerable people.
CW didn’t just groom the victims. He groomed their families to trust him. He groomed all of us who read his books. He groomed an entire community. He even groomed his poor wife and kids who believed him to be someone he wasn’t.
But now it’s time we saw change. Serious changes. It’s time to start believing victims and stop protecting predators and rapists.
It’s no longer the boogie man down the alleyway. It’s the monster who has permeated all of our lives in some way or another. Whether we read his books or know of someone who was affected by his actions.
I really hope the shift and the change will last. It’s about time it did. It’s time to stop blaming 8 year old girls for their abuse. It’s time to listen when a man tells you what happened to him in camp or in cheder. It’s time we changed things.
I should have been able to trust the male relative who thought it was acceptable to walk in on me in the bath and assault me. I should have been able to tell someone what was happening to me. But I couldn’t. I didn’t have the language and I knew that when he said “if you tell anyone about this they will never believe you”.
He was right. No one did. So I kept quiet.
CW’s death has – in a bizarre twist – made everyone realise that no one is trustworthy. And that’s the sad painful truth…..
Sorry for rambling…. But I had to get this off my heart as it feels heavy and hurts…