Stamford Hill and The Pressures of Modesty for Women

The last event I attended in Stamford Hill was one like the one this woman writes about. I was asked to come dressed appropriately and covered up which I would have done anyway. I was even told that I needed to cover my hair despite the fact I was divorced and this is not necessary according to Jewish law.

https://m.facebook.com/story.php?story_fbid=pfbid05Eck6j7F9rgz5h2g988xWx9EPSS5tS2KYZpfVLgnTQMx2B77Mpu2vwJ2pe6fTB9Ll&id=564892540

I had countless texts and phone calls prior to this event when the parents (my sibling and her husband) kept asking for photos of what I would wear and wanted to vet me and check it would fit their list of what was acceptable. Of course I’d have gone with appropriate attire but the pressure was so intense and was too much for me.

At the event itself I was looked at from head to toe by pretty much every single person there. I was taken aside by members of my own family who had questions about why I just couldn’t wear a wig (I’d already donated mine to other women in the community).

That night I decided I would never attend an event in Stamford Hill again. I shouldn’t have to justify the denier tights I’m wearing or why I’m wearing 3/4 length T-shirts not ones till the wrist. And the insistence of me covering my hair was ridiculous.

I respect people.
I respect their community.
But they will never respect my life and my choices.

So I’ve never been back.

#stamfordhill #hasidic #jewish #ultraorthodox #modestfashion #honor #shameful The Jewish News #weddingday

“Please stop calling my Haredi son’s marriage an “Arranged Marriage”

Umm 🤔 why not??? Let’s be honest and open and stop sugarcoating what is happening with young people in haredi and hasidic communities.

I have so much to say on this. She’s literally contradicting herself several times saying it’s not an arranged marriage. But then says a matchmaker is involved, they had only a few meetings before getting engaged etc.

I find her attitude towards those who date to get married and have kids in the secular world jarring. We all ask – yes even on dating apps – what they want out of it. If they want or have kids. If they want marriage etc.

She seems to be hugely offended by the term “arranged marriage”. And claims that it’s different in her son’s community as he’s a baal teshuva. Sorry hun but I’m the daughter of both parents who are BT and that’s just not the case.

If there’s a matchmaker involved and they get engaged it’s an arranged marriage.

https://forward.com/opinion/514894/please-stop-calling-my-haredi-sons-marriage-an-arranged-marriage/?fbclid=IwAR32FbqpvDvcICXnFqbfqGm9uuqb_DNg_P6rkCL9XgwjDYI-hO3XJrFS4Ao&fs=e&s=cl

Clearly parents can’t fix you up if they are outside the community. So the shadchanim or someone else does. And yes of course children of BTs are fixed up by parents!

She herself commented that they were ‘fixed up’ together – so how is that not ‘arranged’??? And what pool of young women was felt appropriate for him???

This woman means well but is literally contradicting herself throughout and it’s frustrating to read.