The last event I attended in Stamford Hill was one like the one this woman writes about. I was asked to come dressed appropriately and covered up which I would have done anyway. I was even told that I needed to cover my hair despite the fact I was divorced and this is not necessary according to Jewish law.
I had countless texts and phone calls prior to this event when the parents (my sibling and her husband) kept asking for photos of what I would wear and wanted to vet me and check it would fit their list of what was acceptable. Of course I’d have gone with appropriate attire but the pressure was so intense and was too much for me.
At the event itself I was looked at from head to toe by pretty much every single person there. I was taken aside by members of my own family who had questions about why I just couldn’t wear a wig (I’d already donated mine to other women in the community).
That night I decided I would never attend an event in Stamford Hill again. I shouldn’t have to justify the denier tights I’m wearing or why I’m wearing 3/4 length T-shirts not ones till the wrist. And the insistence of me covering my hair was ridiculous.
I respect people. I respect their community. But they will never respect my life and my choices.
This breaks my heart 💔 and I know all about the feeling of desperately wanting your mother’s love and support but knowing she’s not able to give that to you and is unable to apologise for the abuse and pain she’s put you through…
This is from a tv show called Bride and Prejudice: The Forbidden Weddings. It’s on Discovery+. Definitely worth watching…
Umm 🤔 why not??? Let’s be honest and open and stop sugarcoating what is happening with young people in haredi and hasidic communities.
I have so much to say on this. She’s literally contradicting herself several times saying it’s not an arranged marriage. But then says a matchmaker is involved, they had only a few meetings before getting engaged etc.
I find her attitude towards those who date to get married and have kids in the secular world jarring. We all ask – yes even on dating apps – what they want out of it. If they want or have kids. If they want marriage etc.
She seems to be hugely offended by the term “arranged marriage”. And claims that it’s different in her son’s community as he’s a baal teshuva. Sorry hun but I’m the daughter of both parents who are BT and that’s just not the case.
If there’s a matchmaker involved and they get engaged it’s an arranged marriage.
Story time! I was on a date with a guy about 3 years ago who knew that the only superficial thing that was important to me is height because I’m tall. He lied and said he was taller than he actually was.
When we met I was taller than him and I was more annoyed that he lied to me than the fact that he was 5”6! We had a nice chat although I knew there was no way I was going to see him again.
He randomly asked how I felt about kissing on a first date and I said no but if I am into the person then on a second date I’d be in. I also reiterated that I was disappointed I had been lied to. We left the bar and I headed to my car.
Suddenly he said hold on! Is the first date inside the bar and the second one here outside? If it’s the second one I want to kiss you! I was like wow wtf dude!! I said again about the height lying thing.
He then went onto the sidewalk as I stood on the road about to get in my car and he said “I’m taller than you now and it’s like a second date, so can we kiss”!!
I made it clear that while he’s a nice person I’m just not feeling it and I wished him all the best but I wouldn’t meet again. He asked if I was dating someone else and I said no I don’t date more than one person at a time. He just couldn’t accept what I was saying.
He walked off. I sped home! The next morning my phone rang and he said “I’ve been thinking about our date last night and I don’t think it’s going to work out so I don’t want to meet up again”!!!
Some people feel the need to be the one to end a relationship or just a dating situation even though I’d already said the exact same thing the night before!! I just said uh-huh ok I already said this but yeah cool. And I hung up.
To be honest it was about the lying and the boundary crossing. When someone says they don’t want or don’t like or can’t go etc let them have their boundaries! Don’t force yourself onto anyone.
I don’t think I can cringe any more if I tried!! It’s butt-cheek clenching yikes cringe level!!
Subject – Matchmaking in the Muslim and Ultra Orthodox Jewish communities.
Describing a “class society where classes don’t mix” is just so wrong on so many levels. And saying a daughter of a Rabbi can’t marry the son of a Grocer!! Oh… unless he’s a “good learner and educated in the Bible”.
Even I could do a better job explaining the process, and that’s saying something!!!!
I found it interesting how the Muslim matchmaker said what’s important is not to do with class but where they are in life and if their lives align. And it seems like online dating is more acceptable whereas in the hasidic and haredi communities not everyone is online.