Although it’s been 9 years now since leaving my old world and the cult I was born into, I still feel like an outsider much of the time.
I have a good job, an amazing partner of 5 years and life is good. However, at times I look around and wonder what would people think of me if they knew the truth?
Would they still respect me and what I do if they knew I had no close family because I had to cut them off? Would they judge me for having 9 siblings and only being in touch with one of them and even that’s a recent development?
Would they think I was weak that I tolerated an abusive husband for 17 years? I hear people joke about how it could never happen to them and how do people stay with abusive people for so long?
And I want to scream and tell them that the woman sat opposite them was one of those “weak women”. But I know they would never understand me or believe me as I come across as “strong” so they feel safe talking that openly and judgementally to me.
It’s not often that I am able to share anything at all about my background. In fact I do my utmost to hide my identity from those around me.
But recently it’s become more challenging to keep these things secret. I’m scared of what people will think of me if they knew I was once a wig-wearing, skirt wearing, married as a teenager, Hasidic woman who had no voice and was abused for years.
I feel like a freaking imposter and I wonder when someone is gonna break my cover and people will find out who I really am… and what will they think…
#otd #religion #cult #hasidic
Diary of an OTD Girl 