Child Abuse and the Likely Abusers… ⚠️

Trigger Warning ⚠️ Child Sexual Abuse Information

Not all of us are aware that when we warn our children not to talk to strangers and not to get into cars of people you don’t know… the statistics show that the person most likely to abuse a child is someone close to them, like a parent, teacher or older relative.

These are the predators we need to protect our children from… as well as the “boogie man down the alleyway”. Remember that women sexually abuse too. Leaving a child with a female doesn’t necessarily mean they’re automatically safe from sexual abuse.

“Any child is at risk of being sexual abused. It’s important to remember that both boys and girls can be sexually abused.

Most children who’ve been sexual abused were abused by someone they know. This could be a family member, a friend or someone who has targeted them – like a teacher or sports coach.”

“If a child reveals abuse
If a child talks to you about sexual abuse it’s important to:

listen carefully to what they’re saying
let them know they’ve done the right thing by telling you
tell them it’s not their fault
say you’ll take them seriously
don’t confront the alleged abuser
explain what you’ll do next
report what the child has told you as soon as possible.”

https://www.nspcc.org.uk/what-is-child-abuse/types-of-abuse/child-sexual-abuse/

#NSPCC #children #abuse #MeToo #survivor #childabuse #help

My Mental Health is an Ongoing Struggle… And I feel So Alone Even in a Room Full of People….

No visible symptoms, no runny nose, just a head full of darkness. No fever or rash, no fractures or sprains, just a longing for something unable to explain…

THE ONLY THING MORE EXHAUSTING THAN HAVING A MENTAL ILLNESS IS PRETENDING LIKE YOU DON’T.

MY ONLY RELIEF IS SLEEP. WHEN I AM ASLEEP, I AM NOT SAD, I AM NOT ANGRY, I AM NOT LONELY, I AM NOTHING.

It’s okay to not be perfect. It’s okay to make mistakes. It’s okay to do something that you hadn’t done, because if we don’t do those things we never grow.

IT’S OKAY TO FEEL UNSTABLE. IT’S OKAY TO DISASSOCIATE. IT’S OKAY TO HIDE FROM THE WORLD. IT’S OKAY TO NEED HELP. IT’S OKAY NOT TO BE OKAY. YOUR MENTAL ILLNESS IS NOT A PERSONAL FAILURE.

“Thoughts could leave scars deeper than almost anything else.”

People with mental health problems are almost never dangerous. In fact, they are more likely to be the victims than the perpetrators. At the same time, mental illness has been the common denominator in one act of mass violence after another.

I felt held hostage by her illness and by the backward mental health system that once again was incapable of helping our family in crisis.

I wish people could understand that the brain is the most important organ of our body. Just because you can’t see mental illness like you could see a broken bone, doesn’t mean it’s not as detrimental or devastating to a family or an individual.

Mental pain is less dramatic than physical pain, but it is More COMMOn and also More hard to bear. The frequent attempt to conceal Mental pain increases the burden: it is easier to say “My tooth is aching” than to say “My heart is broken.”

“I’m fine, I’m just tired”

My depression is setting in but I don’t want to bother you with it.

MAYBE IT’S TIME TO GIVE UP. MY MENTAL ISSUES HAVE WORN ME DOWN TO NOTHING. I CAN’T CONTROL THE PTSD.

NO ONE UNDERSTANDS WHAT I TRY TO TELL THEM. I FEEL LIKE A BURDEN WITH NO END IN SIGHT…

Yet I know I have to keep fighting….

Chief Rabbi steps in as rabbinical courts accused of siding with domestic abusers

Having just come across this article I’m enraged. We can see that sadly because the Beth Din is made up of male Rabbis, they seem to only see things through the eyes of the husbands.

A woman who goes to the police for help because her husband is physically, emotionally, sexually or financially abusive shouldn’t be penalised.

Proving coercive control is incredibly difficult and to put another burden on the victim that if she (it’s usually the women but not always) goes to the courts about it she can be left chained to her estranged husband, without a Gett, forever. This is outrageous.

Saying you’re helping agunot (jewish women unable to be free of their husbands as they refuse to divorce their wives) and actually doing it is a different thing. What about the human rights of the victims? We need to stop protecting men who are abusers and begin thinking of how to help the women trapped and chained to their their husbands.

At the root of all of this is the terrible sexism and misogyny that exists in the Beth Din. The Chief Rabbi has said he will intervene and try to resolve this issue. I hope he does. This is unacceptable and has to be sorted out. We can’t have women chained for decades to their husbands. And we can’t allow women to be scared to go for help knowing if she does she won’t get her Gett.

#fyp #survivor #Jewish #bethdin #ChiefRabbi #uk #divorce #coercivecontrol #abuse #police #court #domesticabuse #Gett #aguna

https://www.thejc.com/news/uk/campaigners-warn-that-rabbinical-courts-are-siding-with-domestic-abusers-1.518409?a=IwAR3uX_z4QikOrTDIuk-VIgaUjmBOxhG7i0N_MalM0CP1Yc_uJjZpXgEL728

The saddest thing I heard tonight… child abuse survivor’s story.

A letter to parents from a parent. Please take the time to read this and feel free to share. We need to start a conversation about child abuse and the repercussions of what this can do to the victim later on in life.

Tonight I heard something that literally broke my heart. I can’t go into too many details but I’ll give you a basic run through of what I was told.

A young girl of around 17 was being physically abused by her parents. As a strictly religious household (I can’t say which religion), they felt she was doing things that to them was bad.

We are not talking about anything really bad. It was things like getting home 5 mins later than planned. Getting a grade less than expected in school. Not helping enough around the house etc etc.

She was expected to do a huge chunk of the chores and she did what she could. However, For these parents, nothing was ever good enough.

They physically punished her all her life but as she grew up she began resenting them and became more and more distant.

During that time she met a young man around the same age and they began dating. He had no mother figure in his life as she’s a drug addict. It was just him and his father at home. The father wasn’t bothered by his son having a girlfriend so young.

The girl was in a very low place and was so touched that someone was showing her attention. They spent more and more time together until they became an official couple.

As a religious girl, any form of intimacy before marriage is a huge sin. She knew she could never tell her parents about him.

THIS IS THE PART I WANT PARENTS TO READ. PLEASE.

Because of the physical abuse she suffered at home, and knowing that her parents believed they were doing the right thing in disciplining her like that, she felt very much alone. And she grew more and more attached and close to this young man.

Had she been able to speak to her mother or father they would have been able to tell her what to look out for, what is normal, what are red flags, and generally have someone to turn to if things go wrong.

I totally understand the religious aspect but there’s reality too. We cannot, as parents, turn a blind eye to what our children are doing simply because we don’t agree with it. We need to go at their pace or else we end up with children who resort to lying to us and us not being aware of what they’re experiencing.

One day after she was hit by her parents she decided she had had enough. She secretly packed a bag and ran away to her boyfriend’s house. No one knew where she was because she was unable to tell people about him, for fear of reprisals and being judged.

The man and his father were thrilled. They had a young woman there “to do women’s work”. She was trapped. She had to do all the laundry, cooking for all of them, was expected to clean the house, and if she complained she was told “be grateful we opened our home to you”.

One day there was an argument and put the blue the man hit the girl hard. He obviously apologised and said it would never happen again. She believed him. And of course that was just the beginning of 9 months of abuse. He beat her all the time.

She was covered in bruises. And she was mentally falling apart. Her parents tried to track her down and begged her to come home. They promised they would stop abusing her and things would change.

Then she had a breakdown and ended up having to be in a hospital to deal with her mental health.

When she left, she went home. Her parents stuck to their promises and never hit her again. But the damage was done. She was so used to being physically abused that she was spiralling in a cycle of abuse.

Of course there was no way she could tell them about the man so she lied all the time telling them that she was “staying with friends”.

When they were out around people they were the “perfect couple” and everyone thought they were happy. She was good at pretending. After all, hadn’t she been taught how to lie and pretend she was okay when her own parents abused her?

She had NO ONE to talk to. She had no relationship with her parents close enough to be able to tell them what was going on.

At one point there was a party and they went. She drank a lot and passed out. The next day she knew something had happened but couldn’t remember it all. Only small flashes of memory came to her. She still doesn’t know what happened that night. She probably never will.

She did remember that the man’s father arrived at one point and called his son aside and in front of several young women asked him “who do you want to f*ck tonight”? His own girlfriend was right there. Imagine the pain and humiliation she experienced.

If only she had a parent close enough to open up to… after almost a year she’s now finally realised that this was not okay and is classed as intimate partner violence, aka domestic abuse.

She’s tried to cut off contact but all the threats he makes and the fact they have to be in the same place during the week (I can’t elaborate) means that she will keep seeing him.

How different would things have been if she hadn’t been abused? How many people who have been abused get involved with people who end up abusing them as well? If they don’t get the right help and therapy it can continue throughout their lives.

We, as parents, can change things. We can be better people. We can be less judgmental and more understanding. We don’t have to throw away all our beliefs. We just have to meet them where they’re at.

The alternative is this story. A young girl unable to tell anyone her body was covered in bruises and she was scared of her boyfriend. And his father.

Luckily she has found someone to talk to. She’s also got professional help from a therapist. And hopefully with time she will heal from the trauma of her childhood and of this abusive relationship.

She says “if I had a mother I was able to talk to the way I can talk to …. I wouldn’t be in the situation I’m in. I would have been able to discuss with her the things that worried me at the beginning so that I didn’t have to waste almost a year of my life alone with my thoughts, trauma and pain fighting my attachment issues. She would have told me this wasn’t acceptable. It wasn’t normal”.

She cried looking at the photos of her body with the scars of the abuse she suffered…. No one should have to live like this. We all deserve to have our needs met. We all deserve to be cared for and to be able to share our concerns. We all deserve to have felt love from our parents and to love others. We deserve peace. We deserve therapy. We deserve… to be our authentic self without fear of repercussions.

#abuse #religion #danger #home #shopping #domesticviolenceawareness #London #cooking #cult #culture #extreme #boyfriend #couple #girlfriend #physicalabuse #bruised #therapy

FGM Needs To Be Stopped 🤬

Reading this made my heart stop for a few moments. How can anyone do this to another human? To physically force your wife in front of 30 people to have her genitals cut is barbaric. Inhumane. People doing this should be jailed. Period.

Just IN: Forced By HUSBAND🤦🏽‍♀️

Kenya: A 30-year-old woman (mother of three) from Murang’a County is nursing serious injuries after she was forced to undergo #FGM by her husband.

She disclosed that she underwent the ordeal on May 9, and that her husband was accompanied by over 30 members of his cult.

They first performed a ritual by slaughtering a goat before subjecting her to the cut.

“One member of the cult, strangled me as others undressed me and started cutting my genital organ with a knife…” She cried.

He also vowed to mutilate their two daughters…

My heart aches to read this. How barbaric can this man and his cult be to force his wife to have FGM done to her?? It makes me so angry that I feel hopeless. I wish there was something I could do to change this…

#endFGM #abused #jail #stopFGM #childmarriage #Kenya #cult #abuse #domesticabuse #abusive #husband

Matthew West sings Modest is Hottest – My Thoughts

“Modest is Hottest” Isn’t the Lighthearted Song This Christian Thinks It Is.

Matthew West has had a long successful career in Christian music. He’s released several albums, won many awards, and even written chart-topping songs for popular mainstream artists. All that’s to say he has a lot of pull in the Christian music world.

So on Friday, when he released a new song called “Modest is Hottest,” people were paying attention. At first glance, the song appears to be a parody of purity culture. He even referred to it as a “light-hearted take on an age-old struggle.”

West’s message here is clear: If his daughter dresses like Cardi B, her worth will diminish in his eyes no matter what else she ever accomplishes.

But then you hear the lyrics. And you realize you were wrong. Very wrong.

While the song doesn’t directly shame women, it sets the stage for blaming them if they ever get assaulted or raped — things that have happened to women wearing burqas, sweatpants, and all forms of clothing that West would surely deem “modest.”

That song is meant to be encouraging to his (underage) daughters, but it just repeats the same old damaging tropes that blame women (and girls) for the bad behavior of men (and boys). Didn’t we already have this conversation when all those evangelical women spoke out against Purity Culture? Is it really that hard to avert your eyes or treat women as people rather than sex objects?

Instead of singing to your daughters, why don’t you focus on singing to your sons and teaching boys and men how to be respectful and not harass others.

As one person tweeted “Women do not dress (or do anything) for the attention of men.

The idea that your daughters must cover themselves up because they are beautiful is not the compliment you think it is.

How about a song telling boys/men to treat us like humans rather than objects?”

Well said 👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼

#christian #evangelical #religion #purityculture #daughter #sons #kids #modestfashion #modesty #extreme #matthewwest #sing #singing #music #guitar #musician #metoo #modestishottest #religious #cult #culture #usa #teacher #father #ptsd

Please Don’t Victim Blame 🥺

TW….. Domestic Abuse, Liz and Ed, The Single Life

.

.

.

.

.

I’ve just finished listening to a podcast for the second part of The Single Life, Tell All which airs on Discovery +

I was very moved by what the guys said at the end about Liz and how to support someone you know who may be in the kind of abusive relationship it seems she’s in with Ed.

They made a comment about not blaming or questioning why someone has stayed so long or keeps going back etc. It really touched me and I wanted to share why.

As a survivor of domestic abuse, aka Intimate Partner Violence, with the father of my kids whom I was married to for 17 years, I have these kind of questions asked of me all the time. I never told anyone what had been going on all those years so when it came out and he was arrested I felt like I was made to defend myself.

“Why did you stay so long”
“Why didn’t you tell anyone”
“Why didn’t you leave the first time you felt abused”
“I understand a year or two. But 17??”
“Why, why, why, why…..”

What people who haven’t experienced this personally or seen it close up don’t realise is the grooming, control, manipulation, ostracising you from everyone who cares about you, coercion etc etc that happens gradually over time. And if you are young, I was just 19 and he was older at 27, you don’t necessarily know what red flags are or what the warning signs are.

And once you are aware about what is happening you may have kids, you may have been told “I love you so much, you don’t need to learn to drive. I’ll take you anywhere you need” thereby ensuring you’re trapped if you want to leave quickly or get help.

The abuser may have disabled your phone or locked doors to trap you inside. They may have told you countless times how “you’re lucky I’m with you. No other man would want to be with a fat, ugly disgusting person” etc. You’re made to feel grateful that they’re with you because after all no one else would want to be. Or at least that’s what you’re made to believe.

I always feel hurt and defensive when I’m asked why I didn’t get out earlier and other things like that. I realise that I cannot explain why in a matter of a text or a short conversation. If someone asks then they just don’t get it. And I don’t need to educate everyone. There’s enough information online to educate yourself rather than put the onus onto the victim or survivor.

To me it feels like I’m being asked how stupid can you be that you allowed it to go on for so long…. how much of an idiot can you be not to have left after the first couple of times you were abused… and I know I’m not stupid. I was simply groomed and isolated, had my money taken etc.

Even money I got from doing private lessons would have to be hidden in a drawer away from him. But sadly when I was in hospital for years on and off for months at a time, he found the money I saved to leave him and stole it. He proudly told me about it as I was hooked up to machines in hospital unable to move. That’s how vile these people can be.

So please, please don’t blame the victim and make them justify why they stayed with their abuser for a certain amount of time or why they keep going back. The mental abuse and the feeling of needing to be with them because you’ve been brainwashed to believe you can’t live without them is so difficult to comprehend.

Just be a support. Tell them you’re there when they are ready to leave. Ask what it is that might be keeping them, such as financial issues, and see if you’re able to help. Make sure they know they are not alone and you’re not judging them and they’re done nothing wrong other than to fall for the wrong person. Give them contact information for charities or shelters that can help them when they’re ready.

I hope this helps someone understand more about people they care about. Of course this post is my own experience only but it’s an insight into how it might be for someone you care and worry about.

#DomesticAbuse #abuse #defensive #parents #alienation #kids #Coercion #control #manipulation #support #bekind #compassion #charity #shelter #refuge

This Couple Dance To Raise Awareness For Domestic Abuse Victims

There’s not much to say. Just watch this incredibly powerful performance.

#domesticabuse #violence #abuse #awareness #couples #survivor

Rabbi of Gestetner’s Bais Din is a Sexual Predator to Orthodox Jewish Women Desperate For Their Religious Divorce – The Gett ⚠️

This is from Flatbush Girl’s Facebook Page.

I present to you the Bais Din that harbors Meir Kin and other Get refusers. Do we trust rabbanim that blackmail and sexually coerce women instead of trying to help them get a Get?

🛑 Meir Kin, I know you are reading this. You can no longer hide behind your false frumkeit and false Bais Din. Admit that your one goal is to control and take vengeance on Lonna who just wants her freedom. It’s been 17 years. You’re already remarried.

I am warning you Meir. We have a lot more dirt on you and Rabbi Gestetner’s Bais Din. Do what’s right and just free Lonna already. You can go back to a private life!

🛑 Rabbi Gestetner’s Bais Din, we will not stand for this perversion of Torah.

This Sunday, April 25th at 8:30pm, let’s join together and rally outside this “Bais Din” located at 7 Mosier Court, Spring Valley, NY. No longer will we be silent as our Bnos Yisroel are tortured and abused. We need to draw a line in the sand right here and right now.

#jewish #aguna #shabbatshalom #justice #predator #Jewish #Frum #Abuse #Gett @FlatbushGirl

Please click on the link below for the video which is truly sickening.

https://fb.watch/52O9RuRGVD/

ABC The Bachelor, Colton Underwood, Comes out 🏳️‍🌈

Former Bachelor star Colton Underwood speaks his truth and comes out to Robin Roberts: “I’m gay. And I came to terms with that earlier this year and have been processing it… I’m the happiest and healthiest I’ve ever been in my life.”

Colton would “pray the gay away and be straight”. This was mostly because of his strict catholic faith. So happy he’s finally spoken his truth. 🏳️‍🌈

For the whole interview click this link.

https://youtu.be/x5WsydRK30Q

#TheBachelor #ColtonUnderwood #pride #lgbt