Although it’s been 9 years now since leaving my old world and the cult I was born into, I still feel like an outsider much of the time.
I have a good job, an amazing partner of 5 years and life is good. However, at times I look around and wonder what would people think of me if they knew the truth?
Would they still respect me and what I do if they knew I had no close family because I had to cut them off? Would they judge me for having 9 siblings and only being in touch with one of them and even that’s a recent development?
Would they think I was weak that I tolerated an abusive husband for 17 years? I hear people joke about how it could never happen to them and how do people stay with abusive people for so long?
And I want to scream and tell them that the woman sat opposite them was one of those “weak women”. But I know they would never understand me or believe me as I come across as “strong” so they feel safe talking that openly and judgementally to me.
It’s not often that I am able to share anything at all about my background. In fact I do my utmost to hide my identity from those around me.
But recently it’s become more challenging to keep these things secret. I’m scared of what people will think of me if they knew I was once a wig-wearing, skirt wearing, married as a teenager, Hasidic woman who had no voice and was abused for years.
I feel like a freaking imposter and I wonder when someone is gonna break my cover and people will find out who I really am… and what will they think…
Heard openly mocked Depp for being a “victim of abuse”
Jurors also heard a recording of Heard allegedly pressuring Depp to come forward as a “victim of domestic violence” and suggesting he wouldn’t be believed.
“Tell the world, Johnny, tell them, Johnny Depp, I, Johnny Depp, a man, I’m a victim too of domestic violence,” Heard says, before going on to challenge him to “see how many people believe or side with you.”
Jurors were played recordings of fights, including one in which Heard admitted to “hitting” Depp.
“You didn’t get punched. You got hit. I’m sorry I hit you like this, but I did not punch you. I did not fucking deck you. I fucking was hitting you.”
Heard later apologized.
Heard testified that Depp got violent during their honeymoon in 2015, after an argument over his drinking.
“He would slam me up against the wall,” she said. She said she feared Depp would kill her.
A trip to Australia, where Depp was filming the fifth installment of the Pirates of the Caribbean movie franchise, featured prominently in the trial. Depp claimed his wife threw a vodka bottle at him, severing the top of his middle right finger. Heard claimed Depp sexually assaulted her with a whiskey bottle.
“It [was] so easy for him to throw me around,” Heard testified. Depp, she said, shoved a liquor bottle “inside of me over and over again” and “said he would kill me”.
If this actually happened she would have been in hospital. The stories she’s come out with are ludicrous and lacked credibility in my personal opinion.
For everyone saying that “Now that a jury has sided with Johnny Depp, advocates say the verdict could have a chilling effect on other survivors looking to speak out against their abusers.” I say this.
Stop speaking on behalf of women like myself who have been abused while in a relationship with my ex husband.I support Johnny Depp.
He was the victim. Women always fight to be believed. This will set us back because we will be asked if we are like Amber Heard. Heard and the ACLU demonised Depp without knowing any facts. Shameful.
In 2004 a 13 year old girl went on her own onto one of the biggest stages of any reality tv show at the time, The Maury Show.
She told Maury that at 12 she had been “in a relationship with an older boy” who had got her pregnant. I’ll say that again so it sinks in. She was just 12!!! And the boy was 16.
She had got pregnant and at that time the baby was just 8 weeks old… but she wasn’t sure who the father was as she had sex with another boy, just once, around the time of conception.
I’d like to state the importance of semantics here. This was a PRE-TEEN LITTLE GIRL WHO WAS RAPED BY TWO OLDER BOYS. I say RAPE as a child cannot consent to sex. The laws may be different when the boy is 15 but a 16 year old is…well… disturbing.
What shocked me more than all of that was that no one pulled them up on what they had been doing to her. Not one freaking person. Not even the host. Why???
How were these boys able to pretty much call her a slut because they said she slept with other boys. Like. Seriously. What the actual fuck.
Here’s her story. I cried. I saw a vulnerable little child used by older boys and treated appallingly by the show. I hope that after all these years have now passed she’s in a far better healthier place in her life and knows she deserved better…
Racist thugs in Manhattan harass a Jewish man right in front of a cop. All this man did was wear a kippa and mind his own business.
Do they imagine we will look at them attacking this Jewish man and cheer them on or say it’s okay?
These thugs are not helping any alleged causes they’re fighting for. Attacking an innocent person is always wrong. Vile thugs using an opportunity to attack an innocent man is seriously disgusting.
“We conquered these places. They’re rightfully ours” “There’s only one answer. We should carpet bomb them” “We need to kill the Arabs” “We have the right to hate them” “We gave them Gaza. They should be happy or go back to Iran”
This is how the majority of the people of Israel think. And they’re not ashamed of their extremely radical and ignorant views.
They cannot differentiate between Hamas and innocent Palestinians. Even young people are blatantly calling for them to be annihilated.
It wasn’t that long ago when people were doing the same about the Jews. How can they not see they’re behaving the same way?
Bi Swalehe Hawaa was a Kenyan circumciser for over 20 years and circumcised over 500 girls BUT now regrets what she did to those girls.
“It took me long to come around and actually believe that whatever I w
as engaging in was wrong, but when my own granddaughter died while at it, that was my turning point.” Shufaa Alamini, another circumciser who practised since 1994, says she regrets all she ignorantly did, “I have done it on hundreds of girls and back then, I was just focused on how much I was making because my children needed to eat.”
Sorry but the fact that she just feels bad now that her own grandchild died due to FGM doesn’t make me have any sympathy for her. She ruined over 500 girls’ lives. What she did to those girls can never be undone. She has no heart. Period.
Anyone who can hear the heart wrenching screams of little girls as they’re mutilated, held down by women like Bi Swalehe Hawaa, has no heart. She only regretted it when her own granddaughter died. What about the 500+ girls she hurt in the worst way?
No amount of money should make anyone mutilate little girls. How did she watch countless girls being held down and physically mutilate them for life? I have read a lot about this and it’s one of the most difficult things I have looked into…
I wish I had something really powerful to write about this, but I can’t. This is painful to read about, painful to hear people’s experiences, and painful to talk to people living with the after affects of FGM…. I can only cry as I write this. That’s all.
A mistake is pouring salt instead of sugar. It’s not using a gun instead of a taser. That’s called murder.
I don’t want to hear all the bs of why didn’t he comply etc. Stop! A 20 year old man has been killed by a police officer. And that’s just not okay.
Police officer, Kim Potter, has been working as a cop for 26 years. She says she reached for her taser but by mistake reached for her gun and shot him. He died.
I have lost count of the number of black men who have been murdered by cops in the first 3 months of 2021 alone.
Police officers clearly need more training in several areas. If someone wants to reach for a yellow taser and instead reached for her black handgun, and kills the person they need to take accountability for their actions.
I came across this guy on social media as I was researching what drives certain people to do horrific things to their own partners and kids.
His video was titled “why I hate single mothers”. I won’t be posting a link to it as I don’t want to give him the attention he clearly craves. Feel free to look him up on YouTube.
Anyone who “hates single mothers” already has me feeling defensive as I am one. What he starts saying is good and he’s right that what happened to the Clarke-Baxton family, mum Hannah Clarke and her 3 kids, is beyond evil.
He goes on to say he thinks that single mothers are vulnerable and are attracted to men who are good looking but not good men. Therefore by doing that, it will end up in death and all that because of jealousy, jealousy, jealousy.
How does someone say this sort of thing without understanding the pain it will cause the families of murdered mothers like Hannah Clarke, Shannan Watts, Paul Newman, and too many more…
Why should anyone be forced to stay in an abusive marriage or relationship if they fear for their lives all the time? Single mothers are only single mothers because the fathers have either left the relationship, got a divorce or separation, had an affair, been abusive etc.
Let’s stop blaming the victims of these evil murdering scum and focus on the real issue here.
Domestic abuse needs to be taken more seriously and laws need to change to accommodate this level of evil and killings. Perhaps having more shelters when relationships are coming to an end may be a good start.
I wrote this back in October 2017 but didn’t feel comfortable sharing it. Now is the time to do so – however difficult it is.
A very honest post which many of you will no doubt relate to.
I posted a while ago about a LDR I was involved in. I explained how he would call me repeatedly and expect answers as to why I didn’t pick up the phone. Saying “I was busy” never satisfied him.
Many of you replied saying run and red flag alert.
However I didn’t.
Stupid I know. But a part of me hoped he loved me enough to change and give me space.
I was wrong.
I have now found out there are things he lied to me about which I obviously wouldn’t find out as the LDR thing means he was able to hide basic things from me.
He knew I had suffered domestic abuse for 17 years and he promised he would never hurt me in any way.
I want to explain what happened over the past few months.
He expected me to stay on the phone to him for many many hours a day. The average time we would be on the phone would be around 8 hours a day or more. When I hung up he would then text me repeatedly how much he loved me and couldn’t live without me.
Stupidly I fell for his bullshit imagining this may be my happily ever after….
He said it was because he loved me so much and couldn’t live without me.
He wanted to “fall asleep with me” every night. That meant I had to be on the phone while we both fell asleep and in the mornings wake up to each others voice.
And then there was the insisting on phone sex. Often he tried to do it on video but I wouldn’t entertain that. Again this was because he loved me so much and if he couldn’t physically be intimate with me this was second best.
Yet again I fell for it.
He kept saying I love you. Over and over again. Maybe he was insecure. But although I was flattered at first it began to become a pressure.
As time went by things began to get too much for me. I had a check in with him the whole time, telling him where I was going and how long I would be.
He wanted to know everything about me. All my finances. My weight! Personal information etc. The list goes on.
Like I said at first I was flattered. Then I felt strangled. I wanted my space. I told him that and he sulked but tried to make changes. It was hard for him.
Then things started going wrong. He began to get frustrated at me for very small things. He didn’t like the way I spoke to him. Said I was too blunt. Said I was critical and never validated his feelings.
I knew I was not happy but he kept sucking me back in with his nice side. I kept going back. He made me cry so much every time he told me how I made him feel.
I tried to change. Be softer and nicer but things didn’t improve.
When we were physically together he wanted sex constantly. Definitely every night. “I have a high libido”.
“Sex is a 2 way street. We must both want it and then it will happen on its own. There shouldn’t be rules” I tried explaining to him.
“Okay if you’re not interested in sex and I am what can you do for me? Hand job? Blow job?”
Shocked. “I’m not a whore. If there’s love between us intimacy will happen organically” I said annoyed.
Things came to a head recently. He didn’t like something I said so totally blanked me for 2 days. No eye contact. No talking. Turned his back on me in bed. Walked 100 feet ahead of me in the street.
It was all too much. I’d had enough.
I suddenly saw with clarity what he was like and at one point when we got to the airport I left him there and went home.
That was a few days ago. It’s been bloody painful. He’s blocked me on Facebook after I blocked him on watsapp. And that’s been the best thing.
Right now I’m trying to find myself again and get back to being me… without having to check in with anyone.
So thank you for all the advice you gave me back then and I fucking regret not listening. But now I’m done and am moving on.
Diary of an OTD Girl 