Matchmaking in the Orthodox Jewish and the Muslim Communities

I don’t think I can cringe any more if I tried!! It’s butt-cheek clenching yikes cringe level!!

Subject – Matchmaking in the Muslim and Ultra Orthodox Jewish communities.

Describing a “class society where classes don’t mix” is just so wrong on so many levels. And saying a daughter of a Rabbi can’t marry the son of a Grocer!! Oh… unless he’s a “good learner and educated in the Bible”.

Even I could do a better job explaining the process, and that’s saying something!!!!

I found it interesting how the Muslim matchmaker said what’s important is not to do with class but where they are in life and if their lives align. And it seems like online dating is more acceptable whereas in the hasidic and haredi communities not everyone is online.

What’s the Name of the Jewish New Year?!? Comedy Gold!!

This happened on Saturday on the BBC on the Michael McIntyre show called The Wheel. Enjoy!!

WATCH: Rav Yitzchak Berkovits on Chaim Walder: ‘Narcissism at its Best’

It’s so sad and disappointing that I’m still having to deal with ignorant and disgusting comments on the Walder SA/r*pe situation.

Sadly it doesn’t shock me. I’ve been receiving so many on here and on my WordPress blog page too. Fortunately I have the option of allowing them to be posted or not. And I’ve left them in my inbox and won’t be posting them.

The sad thing is that it’s people who cannot grasp the truth – that the person they admired and looked up to – was capable of such heinous crimes against so many girls and women.

Just saw this video link sent by a follower (thank you!) and it gave me hope that there may be a shift in how the frum community deal with SA. Might be a tiny shift. But a shift nonetheless.

Here’s a small part of what he says so you can get an idea of how he speaks about it all. However I’d urge you to watch the entire video which is less than half an hour.

Definitely worth the time even if it’s just to know you’re not alone and CSA has to start being taken seriously. And victims need to start being believed.

#chaimwalder #PeopleSpeak #painful #mentalhealth #parenting #support #kids #kidsspeak #walder #suicide #school #frum #Rabbi #abuse #Israel #MeToo #believevictims

Are Things Changing Now We Know Chaim Walder was a Rapist?

TW ⚠️ Walder, CSA, Suicide

I’ve reread the post I wrote after I heard of the young woman who couldn’t bear the pain and took her own life. She was one of CW’s victims.

While there’s always going to be those who say innocent until proven guilty and crap like that, let’s remember that he decided to kill himself rather than face up to what he did.

He had the chance to validate the pain he made these countless victims endured. He could have just been honest in his suicide note rather than make himself seem like a victim.

I might regret some of the language I used. But the feelings, the emotions, the anger, the sadness, the feelings of injustice are still there.

But something has changed.

I have suddenly noticed a large number of orthodox Jewish people and rabbis who have come forward and spoken out against what he did and in support of the victims.

And it reminds me of the Weberman predator, serving 103 years for horrific sexual crimes against a minor. And I remember the number of people who came out to support HIM. The queues went round the courthouse there were so many people from the orthodox Jewish community there.

Not to support this girl.
They came to support the rapist.

And then there was the rabbi who filmed countless women at the mikva baths. And the rabbi who groped a minor and got away with a short sentence for pleading guilty.

And no one believed the women and girls. I was one of the few voices shouting into the abyss. I felt like I was drowning and no one could hear me.

And now when I type CW’s name into any search engine, the things that come up are completely different. There’s been a change. It’s taken decades and lives have been lost in the process.

But finally we can see people in total despair not knowing how to talk to their kids about CW and why his books aren’t around anymore. They have to tak about things that break your heart and kids shouldn’t have to know about.

But perhaps it’s time to have these conversations with your kids. Maybe it’s time to be honest with them and tell them the basics – according to their age of course – about what is okay and what is not. And if anything happens they should tell you even if they’re threatened or bribed otherwise.

I remember when the world learned that there was a serious problem within the Catholic Church. That there were priests, heads of catholic boarding schools, who had abused so many children, mainly boys.

No one could believe it. But when one person comes forward you can think oh it’s just him. Then another one does the same. And then more and more people come out and tell the same story. And we can no longer say these men are all liars. Some predators ended up in jail. Others didn’t.

And a couple of decades later we are seeing the same thing happen in the orthodox Jewish community. It wasn’t enough for there to be a “Wall of Shame” on a website. It wasn’t enough to hear of people doing the worst things to little boys and girls.

But now I can see people coming to the painful realisation that the rabbi, the therapist, the camp leader, the author, the older mentors, even family members, are all a risk to our children. And we can no longer bury our head in the sand and pretend it doesn’t affect this community. It does.

And it hurts to realise that the people you so admitted and looked up to did the worse things imaginable to the most vulnerable people.

CW didn’t just groom the victims.
He groomed their families to trust him.
He groomed all of us who read his books.
He groomed an entire community.
He even groomed his poor wife and kids who believed him to be someone he wasn’t.

But now it’s time we saw change. Serious changes. It’s time to start believing victims and stop protecting predators and rapists.

It’s no longer the boogie man down the alleyway. It’s the monster who has permeated all of our lives in some way or another. Whether we read his books or know of someone who was affected by his actions.

I really hope the shift and the change will last. It’s about time it did. It’s time to stop blaming 8 year old girls for their abuse. It’s time to listen when a man tells you what happened to him in camp or in cheder. It’s time we changed things.

I should have been able to trust the male relative who thought it was acceptable to walk in on me in the bath and assault me. I should have been able to tell someone what was happening to me. But I couldn’t. I didn’t have the language and I knew that when he said “if you tell anyone about this they will never believe you”.

He was right.
No one did.
So I kept quiet.

CW’s death has – in a bizarre twist – made everyone realise that no one is trustworthy. And that’s the sad painful truth…..

Sorry for rambling…. But I had to get this off my heart as it feels heavy and hurts…

#mentalhealth #chaimwalder #walder #kids #support #parenting #sexualabuse #painful #sad #kidsspeak #PeopleSpeak #suicide #Shifra

Walder. The Monster. The “Rabbi, Therapist and Author”

TW ⚠️ CW SA CSA Suicide

I know this is going to sound as bad and harsh as I’ve ever been but I so wish I’d found his body and been able to kick it to the side or pushed it into a hole in the ground without the hype and possibility of huge numbers attending the funeral of a monster.

Of course I wouldn’t. It’s just how I feel. I know it’s not legal and I’d a criminal. But I’m just saying how I feel. What makes the hundreds who attended his funeral go to it? And why was there just a handful of people at the funeral of one of his victims?

I won’t be posting the audio of the threats he made as it’s really awful and full of threats and a sense of I’m able to get away with things based purely on who I am and the sense of entitlement of a rabbi over “a bunch of girls who no one will believe”.

I was so relieved that the main Bet Din Rabbi supported the victims and yet when it came to his burial why did so many turn up? And aren’t people who commit suicide not allowed to be buried like others in the cemetery? Or does that not refer to him?

The pain that the countless girls and women (and potentially boys too – I don’t know) have endured is heartbreaking…. Please please if you’re struggling please reach out to your local Samaritans, go to the ER, call someone to be with you, do something. We can’t lose more Shifras…..

I hope you’re finally at peace…. And I’m so sorry you have been let down so badly. You never deserved any of this. No one does.

Fuck. When will victims of child sexual abuse start being treated properly and not focus on the perpetrators? I heard some idiot say that this monster “was so traumatised by being told that this is all coming out that he had no option but to take his life”.

Sorry, what? Where’s your compassion for his victims and all victims of abusers worldwide? He had been abusing our kids for decades and got away with it. He’s just a coward who was too much of a wuss to own up to his crimes and do the time.

Don’t RIP. If there’s anything in the afterlife I hope he suffers the way he made his victims suffer. Please do NOT post any comments discrediting or questioning the victims’ authenticity and legitimacy.

And FFS please do NOT post any photos of the abuser.

#perpetrator #support #mentalhealthmatters #abuse #walder #children #survivor #author #chaimwalder #mentalhealth #orthodoxjews

Author Chaim Walder Found Dead in Suspected Suicide Following Rape Allegations

Trigger Warning ⚠️ suicide, rape, sexual assault

“When she reached the age of 13 and began menstruating, Walder began to engage in full sexual intercourse with her, she said.”

Semantics are so important. We need to use the correct terminology and not sugarcoat it. Let me help you.

“When she reached the age of 13 and began menstruating, Walder began to rape her, she said.”

Tragic that the victims will never get the justice they deserved. He was too much of a coward to face up to the horrific rapes and abuse he perpetrated on a number of girls and women over a 25 year period.

There should have been measure in place to ensure he was unable to take his own life, especially as he threatened to do this on many occasions.

I feel so sad for the victims. I feel sad for his family. Who knows what he may have done to them… I’m angry at myself that I read all his books and loved them not knowing what the author was doing.

This link is one of many articles written about this case. It gives you more information and details as to what went down.

#socialmedia #haredi #walder #ChaimWalder #kidsspeak #author #support #Frum #therapy #abuse #police #humanity #Israel #coward #victim #survivor #people #speakout #assault #suicide

I Am Not Allowed To Go To My Niece’s Wedding Tomorrow…

April 2016 was the last time I saw my niece. We weren’t allowed to talk to each other since April 2015 but we were both at an event and met there.

I’ll never forget the way both she and her older sister who were both young teenagers whispered to me when no one was looking that they would go to the bathroom and that I should follow a few minutes later.

I knew it would be a one off chance so I grabbed it with both hands. Looking around and making sure I wasn’t being followed I ran upstairs to the bathroom where both of my nieces were waiting for me.

I cannot begin to explain the emotions that went on during those next few minutes before we had to leave. They cried. I cried. They apologised for what was going on and promised they wished they were allowed to see me but had to listen to their parents

They hugged me tighter than I’ve ever hugged anyone knowing this may be the final time we met. The tears wouldn’t stop and I told them that I loved them and was the same person they always knew. I hadn’t changed who I was inside although I looked different. They knew I loved them. I hope they still know that.

I am fully aware of the rabbinic ruling given to their family making it very clear there was to be absolutely no contact ever again. And that stopped instantly. I tried to call and text and got ignored unti eventually I found out why.

I’m no longer angry with them.
I understand how much weight the words of a Rabbi carry.
I also know that they don’t know any different and for them having contact with me is categorically forbidden.

This niece is getting married tomorrow. I had no idea. Someone told me by mistake. I don’t think I was meant to find out. It hurts that I can’t be there to share in her special day…. And I have no way of contacting her.

I miss you…
I love you…
I wish I could be there tomorrow…
I’m sorry your parents have cut me out your life….

Mazel tov 🎉
Congrats 🥳

With so much love from your aunt 🥺❤️

#wedding #family #Rabbi #forbidden #niece #congratulations #ban #religion #cult

My Unorthodox Life on Netflix is out now!!

My Unorthodox Life has just dropped on Netflix today. I’d definitely recommend you watch this as it will not only be fascinating and educational, it will also inspire you.

Julia Haart left the Ultra Orthodox Jewish Community a number of years ago and has become a successful CEO of a Model Agency. She gives her children the options to choose how they want to live their lives.

Can’t wait to watch it all!!

#MyUnorthodoxLife #Netflix #unorthodox #frum #religion #ceo #success #freedom #children #choices #jewish #orthodox #OTD #Judaism

Ultra-Orthodox MK: Women who convert to Judaism through IDF are ‘shiksas’

An ultra-Orthodox lawmaker said women who convert to Judaism through the Israel Defense Forces’ conversion program are considered shiksas, using a pejorative term for non-Jewish women.

Opposition leader Yair Lapid called the statement “ignorant and sad.”

“These wonderful young women that you call shiksas are saving your life,” he tweeted.

#israel #Knesset #jewish #IDF #soldiers #bigotry #BeKind #conversion

Outrageous Comments Made by a Knesset Member About Killing People in “Mixed Marriages”

An Israeli Knesset member has called for the killing of couples involved in mixed marriages during a speech in parliament.

Yitzhak Pindrus is a member of the United Torah Judaism, an ultra-Orthodox party that believes in a homogenous Jewish state and society.

He called for the murder of “people who contribute to miscegenation”, invoking a Biblical story about the murder of a Jewish man and non-Jewish woman while they were making love by lancing a spear through their engaged sexual organs.

#israel #Knesset #racism #bigotry #government #marriage #lgbtq #bekind