Happy Father’s Day – is it Really Happy? Painful? My Story 🥺

Now that Father’s Day is over I wanted to send love and peace to all of us who either haven’t got a father, who have lost their dad, whose father was never around and to those of us who will never receive a phone call from their dad.

My father expects his kids to do the calling and always said “they know where to find me”. I can’t understand that mentality.

It’s been years since we last spoke or saw each other and unfortunately it’s been a rocky ride from day one. I’d love to say he’s been the best dad – the way so many of you are able to – but with so many kids, so little time and money, he wasn’t emotionally available to me. And he never protected us. That hurts.

Father’s Day comes and goes, year in and year out and nothing changes. And I doubt it ever will.… unless I make the initial contact and keep doing that. But don’t we all just want our parents to contact us from time to time? Maybe it’s just me.

Happy Father’s Day to all those dads who are there for your kids and who you love unconditionally. For me it was very much conditional. Once I left their way of life I was an outcast and stopped being part of the family.

Weddings happen.
Bar mitzvah’s come and go.
Babies are born.
Relatives get engaged.
A child is very unwell.

And I know nothing about any of this unless its told to me by someone who happens to mention it and expects me to know. It’s always awkward.

My dad is having a big 70th birthday event in a few days and I knew nothing about it. I only found out when someone asked me for a phone number of a relative to invite them to the party. No consideration for how that would make me feel.

I don’t know why I expect anything else. It’s been like this for years. It’s just tough sometimes… the only photo I have of the two of us and my mother is this one which was taken when I was just 19 and getting married… “You’re welcome to her” he quipped as the wedding ended.

So. Yup. It’s been a hell of a ride for decades and I’m off the train. My number has never changed. ”He knows where to find me”. But he never will. And I’ve accepted it.

(Faces blurred as this is a public post).

#HappyFathersDay #fathersday #fatherhood #parenting #abuse #children #mentalhealth #cult #wedding #marriage #divorce #unconditionallove #sad #disappointed